Exposing the Ask: When Prayers Reveal Our Motives | Wednesday Night Service

Now. But I'm so excited about the summer season being here. I'm so excited. It's just a special time. I think now that my boys are at the age that they are, it's just really fun, and I'm looking forward to it.

But in the summer season and through the weeks, you being faithful here at the refuge on Wednesdays, I believe that God uses this time to intentionally speak to us. And I believe that what he's been stirring in my heart for the past month is something I just want to share with you guys that hopefully really honestly challenges you guys and encourages you guys, because. And what I want to share tonight, really honestly, is for those of us that kind of have been in this for a while, for the believers that necessarily are maybe have transitioned from calling yourselves believers, but the ones that are transitioning from calling yourself believer to disciples, how many of you guys know that we're all called to be disciplers, intentional followers of God. And so tonight, we just want to invite the Master to come to instruct our hearts and to challenge us. Is that cool?

You guys ready? So I want to give you some background real quick because the Lord has just a funny way of saying speaking to me. So a while back ago, Pastor Steph asked me to share on Wednesday night. You know what I mean? And so I used to, you know, when I'm asked to speak, that I don't panic like I used to, you know?

But in the back of my head, I'm like, okay, Lord, like, what do you want me to share with your people tonight? And so I kind of have been thinking about this for months and months. And so a while, about a couple months ago, I had the awesome honor and privilege to go to Brazil and with Pastor Jay, Pastor Nathan, and Pastor Prabhu and Tamzi. And it was just a powerful time of just being able to pour into our campus there in Brazil. And I was traveling with Prabhu, who I consider is one of my really, really close friends.

Now I'm going to share. When me and Pastor Prabhu get together, it's. It's like the funniest chaos you've ever seen. Like, if you want a comedy show, come around me and him. Like, I think something was in our water kind of in Brazil, and we were just kind of on one.

You know what I mean? It was hilarious. Like you ever had the moments. And I haven't had this in a long time. We were in the same kind of host home, and we literally laughed with tears in our eyes over something really really dumb for, like, that's the nonsense that was kind of happening in our lives.

So I've asked. I asked him permission to share this story. So he's not going to get mad at me if you go tell on me for sharing this story. Okay. So we were in Brazil.

Ministry was going so good. And if you know anything about Pastor Prabhu, like, Pastor Prabhu has one of the most kindest hearts known to man. And like. Like, just being his friend, knowing him, like, he loves people and especially loves his family. And I know that, like me, we're a lot alike.

His love language is receiving gifts, but it's also the way that he shows love by giving gifts. So when we were in Brazil, like, he was very intentional to make sure that he brought something back to every family member. You know, I'm saying in his family to the point that at times I'm like, bro, you're going to have time to get something for your family. Like, relax, right? So when we were in Brazil, I told him, I was like, this is your first time.

I'm not a Brazilian expert. But when you come to Brazil, there are three things that you just got to know about Brazil. Number one, you come to Brazil, you got to drink guadana. Guadana is like their soda. It's good, and you got to get it with a slice of orange.

So we did that. Secondly, I was like, bro, you're going to go on this trip with us. Ministry is going to be great, but we're going to carve out, like, nobody's business because they have this thing called pan de quejo. It's this cheese bread that's bomb, and you eat it with Nutella. And God's glory comes like, nobody's business.

Hallelujah. Okay, Then the third thing is I was like, if you come to Brazil, you gotta get a pair of Havaianas. Now, Havaianas are like, the popular sandal in Brazil. Havaianas is translates from Portuguese to English to Hawaiian. And, like, if you go to Brazil, you gotta have a pair of those.

And I was like, you gotta get you a pair. And he was like, all right. So the last day that we're there, we have to drive to Curitiba, which is the area where the airport is. And Prabhu's like, do you think that we're going to have time to go to the Havaiana store? I was like, yeah, I think so.

Like, you know, I want to make sure that you get to go, you know? So he's like, all right. So we're in the car and he looks at me, goes, dude, are you. Are you sure we're going to be able to go to the Havaiana store? I was like, yeah, bro, we're gonna go to the Havaiana store.

Like, why are you stressed out? He goes, I'm not. I just wanna make sure that I wanna go to the Havaiana store. I was like, okay. A few time passes by, and then he asked me again, dude, do you think we're gonna be able to go to the Havaiana store?

And by this time, our host home, who's driving us, hears us too. And they reassure him too. Like, yeah, buddy, we're gonna go to the Havaiana store. Don't worry. And I don't know what was going on in his little heart.

Like, I don't know if he was doubting me. I don't know what was going on. But he kept asking me over and over, man, do you think we're going to go to the Havaiana store? We were like, yes, bro, we're going to go. We go to the mall.

He's like, do you think they have a Havaiana store? And I was like, yes, to the point that we literally kind of had to go make sure that we found what floor the Havaiana store was. You know what I mean? Like, it was like embedded in his spirit, this man was wanted to go to the Havaiana store really, really bad. And he kept asking, dude, we're gonna go to the Havaiana store.

Yes, dude. To this point where kind of like my inner Hispanic is kind of being pushed, you know what I mean? And now I'm gonna let my. Let my brother in Christ know, you know? So he keeps asking.

So finally I looked at him and I was like, prabhu, we're gonna go to the Havaiana store. And if you ask me one more time, I'm gonna take my Havaiana off and I'm gonna bust you in the head. And I was like, and you're lucky that I'm telling you, because if your Indian mom was here, she would take off her Havaiana and bust you up. And then say to you, we're not going no more because you keep asking me, we're going to the Havaiana store. And he was like, okay, I don't know what it was that maybe he was, like, doubting us.

But I just kind of was like, bro, like, you're asking questions about what's already been answered. And so as we were kind of laughing about that and. And I was like telling him, and the reality is he just really wanted. It was like the last day, and he really wanted to make sure that his family got something. It's just his awesome heart that he has, you know.

And of course, me, I ruin it by threatening the man, you know what I mean? But kind of in that funny exchange, I think I've been really processing kind of just some things that the Lord kind of has been checking my heart as it relates to kind of like being the outreach pastor here at the Refuge and just really calling. I know. I believe that a part of my calling is to help disciple and to challenge the church, because I feel like in our lives, sometimes we're asking questions to the Lord that we already have the answer to. And I feel like he wants to just speak to that to us tonight, if that's okay.

We're going to be looking. If you have your Bible, please turn to the Book of Numbers. We're going to be talking about a king and a guy, a king named King Balak and a prophet named, named Balaam. And many of you guys know, I'm going to just give you some context here. Balaam was the, the.

The prophet who basically his donkey started speaking to him. You know what I mean? And I told my wife, and I told my wife this morning, the Lord used the donkey, you know, to get his attention by actually allowing him to speak. And I told my wife on the way up here, I'm like, you know, I'm a little nervous, but if the Lord could use a donkey, he could use me. Amen in Jesus name.

Right? I was supposed to be. I thought I was getting a lot more laughs out of that, but, you know, it's okay. But to give you some background about what we're going to look at real quick in Numbers 22, the children of Israelite have come out of Egypt and have defeated the Ammonites. And the neighboring nation of Moab was overcome with fear that that was going to happen to them as well.

So their king Balak hired Balaam. Balaam was called, Was a prophet, a diviner. Did I say that right, Pastor? All right, praise God. He was known to be very effective, and he was really popular amongst that region.

And so the king thought, I'm going to hire him to pronounce curses on Israel so that maybe through the curses that he pronounced, it would bring about a victory to the Moabite army. Okay, so we're going to pick up in verse chapter 22, verse 7 through 14. And by the way, isn't it crazy that sometimes fear makes us do some crazy things? Can't be led by fear. Okay, just throwing that out there.

All right. Numbers 22, verse 7 says this. Balak's messengers, who were elders of Moab and Midian, set out with money to pay Balaam to place a curse upon Israel. They went to Balaam and delivered Balak's message to him. Stay here overnight.

Balaam said, in the morning, I will tell you whatever the Lord directs me to say. So the officials from Moab stayed there with Balaam. Verse 9. That night, God came to Balaam and asked him, who are these men visiting you? Balaam said to God, Balak, son of Zippor, king of Moab, has sent these.

Has sent this message. Look, a vast horde of people has arrived from Egypt, and they cover the face of the earth. Come and curse these people for me. Then perhaps we will be able to stand up to them and drive them out from the land. This is crucial.

Verse 12. But God told Balaam, do not go with them. You are not to curse the people for they have been blessed. I'm going to stop there for a second. I'm going to keep going in this, and then I'm just going to give you some, what I call just my little inserts of just thoughts, if that's okay with you guys.

Good. You guys with me. So verse 12 is so crucial because the thing that wasn't. That Balaam was instructed was, don't go with these people because they're a blessed people. Don't curse them.

Right. And sometimes I think. Just a thought that I want to throw out here is that I think it's important that sometimes we pay attention to the things that God tells us, because I don't know if you're anything like me, that there are times where God speaks to me and then life happens. And when life happens, I can tend to get really unsettled that the very thing that can ground me is going back to the last thing that God said to me. I really want to encourage you tonight, for some of you that are in this room with us, that sometimes the very thing that kind of can bring you peace is returning to the last thing that God told you to do.

Because there are times where God, when he speaks to us, there is instruction for the season ahead. And sometimes the reality is sometimes the things that he tells us really require wholehearted obedience on our end. Amen. All right, we're going to continue. Verse 13.

The next morning, Balaam got up and told Balak's officials, go home. The Lord will not let me go with you. So the Moabite officials returned to King Balak and reported Balaam refused to come with us. Then Balak again tried again. This time he sent a larger number of even more distinguished officials than those he has sent.

The first time they went to Balaam and delivered this message. This is what Balak, son of Zipporah, says. Please do not let anything stop you from coming to help me. I will pay you very well and do whatever you tell me. Just come and curse these people for me.

Verse 18. But Balaam responded to Balak's messengers. Even if Balak were to give me his palace filled with silver and gold, I would be powerless to do anything against the will of God. But stay here one more night and I will see if the Lord has anything else to say to me. I want to just point something out.

Verse 12 said that what? He wasn't supposed to go in the first place, right? Okay, want to throw that out there? Let's keep going. That night God came to Balaam and told him, since these men have come to come for you, get up and go with them, but do only what I tell you.

I think it's so important to realize that the instruction kind of as just generally looking over these scriptures that I'm reading real quick is that just to summarize it, he's told not to go. He sends Balak's messenger's backs, they come back and go, hey, we'll pay you. He's enticed even more with the money, right? And then he goes and asks the Lord again to see if maybe God has something need to say. Isn't it crazy that sometimes kind of in our own lives that we tend to do that as it pertains to our relationship with God?

When God has asked certain things of us because we have this thing called the flesh, you see, I feel like that we have to be very intentional in our own walks to know our own enemy. Because the enemy that we, we have is not just the devil, it's our flesh. And the flesh is always looking for ways to consider things that never should be an option in our lives. Balaam has a unique story. I'm going to.

I'm not going to read it in detail, but you can find the rest of the story. Numbers 22, 21, 35. And for the sake of time and allowing a time for us to pray, I'm just going to summarize what happens next. So the next morning, Balaam goes to Moab and he gets on his donkey and his donkey begins to kind of just resist the path, for lack of better terms. And he keeps hitting his donkey because his donkey kind of won't go in the direction he wants to go to.

Finally, like the Lord enables the donkey to speak. I mean, how many of you guys know that when a donkey starts speaking your language, it's going to get your attention. Amen. The donkey finally is speaking to him and letting him know that there's an angel with a sword and ahead of him and he still doesn't get the message. So then the Lord kind of opens Balaam's eyes and he sees the angel of the Lord standing in front of them.

And then he realizes, oh, this, this donkey's actually saving my life. And he recognizes the wrong of his actions and begins to repent. Now I, I, I sometimes tend to wonder why Balaam kind of went in the, in the first place when he was instructed not to. So here are just some thoughts that I'm going to give you and then some points and then we're going to pray. Is that cool?

I think that when Balak sweetened the offer for Balak, sweetened the offer for Balaam, I think it exposed something in Balaam's heart. I think it exposed this idea or this truth that Balaam had much more of an allegiance to money than to God. Because see, sometimes when things, opportunities come before us, if we're not operating in the spirit of God, sometimes our flesh will make a way when where there is no way, so to speak. And I think Balaam's heart was exposed that it caused him to kind of like have this other angle with God because he wanted a payday.

See the beauty that I see in Balaam kind of with this whole story of the, of the donkey kind of speaking to him and him being able to see the angel of the Lord is God's kindness towards Balaam because God went out of his way supernaturally to interrupt where Balaam was going out of kindness to address the root issue in Balaam. See, Balaam had this issue where greed and corruption stood in the way of him having a fully full allegiance to God. It's his kindness, right? How many of you guys are grateful for God's kindness in our lives that he will go to supernatural levels sometimes to stop us from making kind of mistakes, that kind of, or walking down a path kind of that we put ourselves in? I'm grateful for that.

I can tell you countless moments you shouldn't listen, the first time we can look at Balaam with judgment and go, man, Balaam, how come you just didn't listen the first time and have judgment? But if we're honest, sometimes that's kind of what we do. But thank God for his grace and mercy. And my prayer for my own life, if I'm honest lately has been, lord, don't let a talking donkey and me seeing an angel with a sword with fire get my attention. Let my heart be so sensitive that I respond the first time that you speak to my heart.

And I think that there's a level of wisdom that I would impart to you to say that none of us have arrived and all of us need to have a tender heart before the Lord that kind of cries, cries out to him in that response on a day in and day out basis. Amen. So as we read this story, here are some thoughts and takeaways that I just want to challenge you as one of your pastors here on staff. Is that cool? So here we go.

I'm going to. I have a. I don't have these in order in some cool. Like, they're just. They are what they are. Okay.

But I did add something really creative. It's called pas Point of action. Because I feel like sometimes we can tend to sit in these, in services at this teaching and sometimes in the past for me, not necessarily here at the refuge, because I think that we do do a good job of it. But sometimes I sit with good teaching and I go, okay, but what do I do with that? So can I just practically give you some like a step that maybe kind of can help you kind of address these things in us through this story?

All right, so takeaway number one through what I've just read in these scriptures is this. Number one, Mature disciples pray effective prayers. Mature disciples pray effective prayers. Sometimes we are praying or asking or asking about things that the Lord has already told you about. He's already written it out.

You know, I find that this is true sometimes in a lot of young people that kind of, sometimes I journey with, you know, I'm not trying to be inappropriate, but I mean, I've, I've journeyed sometimes with young people that want to sit down with me and go, you know, I'm really praying about whether or not I should have sex or not with my, with my significant other. And sometimes that, that, that kind of like grieves my heart a little bit because I go, man, I didn't, I didn't know that you thought that was even an Option. Like, like we live in a generation and a culture sometimes where things become an option. And I'm like, how is that even an option for us? For some of us, it might not be that we're asking the Lord to blatantly sin, but I think sometimes we're asking God things that he's already told us about that I think hinder us fully growing and maturing in Him.

It's like Balaam, right? Like, he was told in verse 10 and 12 not to go, right? Like the. The answer was laid out before him, but yet still because of his own immaturity, his own stuff, he decided to go back to God and ask him if. What, maybe God would change his mind.

See, for some of us tonight, it might not be that we're asking God blatantly about. About sin, but for some of us, it might be this. So I'm gonna put my. My outreach pastor hat on, if that's okay. Can I challenge you tonight?

Are you ready? For some of us, it might be you constantly praying, should I preach the gospel to my neighbor today? Like, the reality is, is that if God says, therefore, go and make disciples, he's already answered that question for us. Like, like, the Lord has. Has a heart for the lost.

Like, like, I think the reality sometimes in our own immaturity is we're asking that question, like, should I reach my neighbor? And, and don't get me wrong, I want you to hear what. I don't want you to hear what I'm not saying. It's good that we pray about everything. But my question for you is, do you want to be effective?

Like, the prayer? I think sometimes that we need to pray is not God, should I reach my neighbor? It's God. How do you want me to? Or who specifically do you want me to?

Because I think that when we ask those effective prayers, I think it gives us more clarity to really, really hear from God's heart like never before. How about this? How about prayers like, Lord, should I tithe? Come on, can we just be real? Like, money's tight, economy's hard, but can I ask you a question?

Like, do you want to be an effective disciple? Do you want your life to really make an impact for the kingdom of heaven? Do you want your life to really hit maturity? How about this? Lord, should I forgive?

Lord, should I forgive? I mean, he's already spelled it out for us, right? How about at times when we ask, lord, should I help the poor? Lord, should I look after widows? Lord, should we.

Should the orphans be a something of importance to us. I think the Lord's answered that for us. Mature disciples pray effective prayers. Look, it might not be necessarily for you in the room that you're caught up praying those type of prayers, but maybe there's something specific that God has challenged you about. Maybe there's a fast that he's been.

He's been trying to challenge you with that the Lord's after, He wants to do some things in your life. And sometimes because we have this thing called flesh, we're asking the Lord, like, okay, Lord, but how many days? Like, like, can I just be real? Sometimes during selah, like, day 17, I'm like, Lord, did you really say this?

Like, we have to be people. If we want to, like, really reach maturity in our walk with God, we have to make up our mind about what. What God has said as it pertains to us being faithful and loyal followers of Christ.

How many of you guys know that we have to be careful because the flesh can manipulate God's voice in our lives? I don't know about you guys, but, man, we have this thing called the flesh, and the flesh can sound like, thus saith the Lord, when that's not what God said. So practically, what is Pastor Abe's practical action step to help us, you know, like, be mature disciples and pray effectively? We need to. Look at me.

I want you to hear this because we're saying it over and over to you. We need to have a love for God's word like never before. We need to learn to love it. We need to learn to digest it. We need to learn how to allow it to wash over our minds.

We need to allow the. The word of God to distinguish what is culture and what is the kingdom of heaven, because they're two different things. We need to learn to really, really ask questions when we don't understand something. And by the way, Pastor Jay, Pastor Terry, Pastor Nathan, they are all about answering the toughest biblical questions that you have, and they've made themselves available. That also was supposed to be funny, and it didn't land, but it's okay.

God is still with me. Listen, I think sometimes we're really afraid to ask hard questions as it pertains to the word of God because. Because it causes us to really dig. But I'm telling you something. Like, I feel like lately just in me, like, there's just.

As I just kind of like, have really been researching this, finding out about Balaam, that there's just so many things that God has just spoken to me personally that has Nothing to do with what I'm sharing tonight. It's just the benefit of digging into God's word, asking questions, knocking on people's doors, going, hey, what do you think about this? Right? Like, we have to be people. Look at me.

If you want to be a mature. If you want your prayers to be effective. I don't know about you guys, but when I was 15 years old and the Lord was stirring my heart to like, to give my life to him at 15, I was doing some knucklehead dumb things. Like, my biggest concern was like, man, if I give my life to Jesus, man, I'll never smoke weed in my life. That was my priority, right?

So I told God, you know what? If I'm going to give you my life, I want it to count. I want it to mean something. I don't know about you guys, but is that the cry of your heart? Do you want your life as a disciple to mean?

Do you want your prayers to matter? Do you want. When you engage in your prayer closet, do you want to feel like you're engaging heaven and tapping in like never before? I do. But in order for us to do that, guys, we have to know God's word, something that we're doing lately with our family.

And I love it because I feel like my boys are at the age where they can communicate their needs, you know what I mean? And I communicate back, and they. They understand, you know? And so we're doing this thing with them kind of where we're just doing Bible stories with them kind of as our family devotion. And we're giving them the space to ask questions.

And we're asking them questions. Hey, what did. What are you learning? Like, what. What are.

We want. What we want to do is show them these important Bible stories, but also reveal to them the nature and character of God, because. Look at me. If they understand the nature and character of God, then their prayer life is gonna be effective because. Because what they're asking is not gonna contradict what God is or what God has said.

Everybody understand what I'm saying to you guys? So not only look at me, we have to be intentional to digest, to read God's word, but also to make sure that we're providing a path for those behind us to understand God's word. And we have to make it clear like never before. There are a lot of times when I'm in meetings with people or just counseling a young adult, a lot of times what I'm doing is we're trying to find ways to separate the mixture of culture and what the Bible says. And sometimes I think that's the strategy of the enemy where we're doing this and it takes time, right, to just sometimes go, hey, that's not.

I know that's a good saying, but that's not what the Bible says. What does the Bible say? Because when you understand what the Bible says, right, then you'll learn how to partner with him. Kingdom of heaven. I want to be effective.

I want to go the kingdom of heaven. I want to pray prayers and communicate with God in a way that we're in sync and that his, he's not taking time to address my heart. So that's point number one. Number two, sometimes our ask exposes our heart. Our prayers sometimes reveal the condition of our heart.

You know, going back to just saying about if we're praying, if we're. Can we be honest? Sometimes when we pray, I think, lord, am I supposed to preach the gospel or reach my neighbor? I know that, you know, maybe on the outside, from a pure place, we're really kind of asking that. But I think what we're really saying is God, do I have to?

God, do I have to? And I think sometimes if we were to really step back and just like kind of just really hear ourselves and what we're really praying, it would really reveal about the condition of our own hearts. There was a time in my life some of you guys know my story, some of you don't. My relationship with my father is very. Right now, it's non existent.

There are just healthy boundaries there. But it's very difficult if I'm just being transparent with you. And sometimes my dad, you know, makes decisions that sometimes can be very hurtful and it makes me really, really mad. Well, there was a season kind of where I just was like really, really mad at him, you know, But I was trying to do the pastoral and the Christian thing and pray for him in my prayer closet, you know what I mean? So I get in my prayer closet and I'm trying to find kind words like Lord, please bless my dad.

Like I know that God, you've asked me to honor him. And I kind of like I'm having an outer body experience, but not really because I'm laughing at myself, you know, I don't know about you guys, but sometimes like the Lord, when he speaks to me, I think to soften the correction, he kind of does it in a sarcastic way to just kind of make me laugh, you know what I mean? So I'm having this out of body experience. I'M like, lord, you know, like, with really no effort, like, Lord, just pray that you would bless my dad, you know, and, like, reach him and send somebody to, like, know, minister out on the gospel. Because, God, if you don't save them, you know, I don't know what's going to save him, Lord.

And I feel like I'm just kind of looking at myself praying like that. And I feel like God's. God. God's doing this face, like, you know, like the little side eye. And the reality is it's like my heart's exposed and God's going, what's really in your heart?

Like, what. You. You say you're praying for your dad, but, like. And I just was like, lord, if I'm honest, I can't stand the guy right now. I'm really mad at him.

I'm, like, really so angry. God, like, what is going on? Like, God, what, what in me, Lord, I. Sometimes I know you ask us to forgive, but, Lord, I. I'm struggling and I don't want to stay here.

And it's like, I feel like, what, God? Yes. Does the Lord want me to pray for my father? Yes, But God wants to journey and make sure that I'm praying out of a pure place in my own heart, that the condition of my heart is right. And I remember crying out, like, God, like, I just.

God, show me, God. I don't know how to repent from my anger. I don't know how to. How to address this, God, but you do. So God help me.

I'm rolling out the red carpet. Holy Spirit, come and. Do you know that that night the Lord gave me a dream about my dad? And in that dream, I can't really remember because it was a while back ago, but in that dream, I saw my dad. He saw me, and I just.

We embraced and we wept in that dream. And it was like God showing me my heart, his heart for my father. And the next morning, you know what? I felt like my heart was just in a better place. And I could really, out of a sincere place, cry out for my father and asking God, God, the only way that this will be restored.

If God, if he knows you, Lord. So, God, do it. Do it, God, what if. What if church? What if we were able sometimes to step back and really look at our prayer life and just what if it were to really reveal our heart condition?

Look, it might not be as you're repenting for sin, but for some of us, we pray out of a place of worry. And yes, God is concerned about your need, but he wants to address the worry in your heart sometimes look at is that it's that, like, we're crying out for something, but the core. At the core of it, right, it's that we don't trust him. And it's much easier to pray when circumstance comes if your heart's not divided and you trust him. Our ask, right?

Like, Balaam, look at me. Balaam going and asking again revealed so much about his heart. He. He wanted to get paid. He wanted the payday.

He didn't want to really obey. Like, I read the story, and, like, I kind of had this moment in reading it over again, and I was like, balaam, bro, he already. Bro, he already told you, don't go. Why are you asking again? Like, I had that kind of like.

Like, with Pabu, right? Like, if you don't stop asking me, I'm gonna get my Hawaiian and bust you up. Like, I was kind of having this moment with Balaam. Like, dude, like, he told you not to go. Why are you asking again?

I think because in that moment, right, with free will, God. God told him to go, but it exposed. It exposed a root issue in him. And sometimes I think that kind of happens to us. I love that at this church.

I feel like if there's one thing that I can say about Pastor Stephanie, number one, I honor her for leading the way kind of on Wednesday nights. But in the level of intercession and prayer for this, her to say is Psalm139, search her. Is that she always. The things that I mentioned to her to say is Psalm139, search me, O God. Right?

Like, and that's a beautiful prayer that we need to pray. But can I be honest with you guys? I. I feel like I can't pray the prayer. You want to know why? Because I know the stuff.

Like, I know the stuff. Like, God, you don't got to search me. God, I know.

Look, is that our heart posture kind of in our prayer life that we would just be real, that we would not be. We would not be just good Christians or professional Christians or religious, but that we would be real people and really get to the core of why our heart's asking certain things. All right, so here's PA Practical action step on how to deal with this. You ready? Elevate your prayer life.

If your heart's exposed, if there are things that you're really dealing with. You know what I mean? It should really elevate your prayer life. Listen, I just think that for a lot of us I don't know about you guys. Maybe you guys are perfect.

You know what I mean? Maybe, like, you're good. That's not my testimony or my story. Like, the Lord on a constant basis has to, like, help me, right? Like, I have issues, right?

Like I'm confessing. Hi, my name's Abe. And I got issues. I got areas in my life of brokenness. I got areas in my life where I still have opinions that are not godly.

I got areas in my own heart that honestly, I don't think please the Lord if I'm honest. So I'm not going to sit there and sulk in what I don't have or who I am. What it should drive me to do is to get on my face and go, God, because I recognize that I have all this stuff. Lord God, I need you today. Like, right, like when you recognize what's in you, when you're exposed, it should really drive you to pray like never before.

Like, that means that our prayer life, because if. If you got stuff, like I got stuff, our prayer life is not. Lord Jesus, bless his food. Amen. It's gotta help me.

Help me to not God dishonor your God with my life, but help me, God, to know you. It should elevate our prayer life. We need to be real about where we are. We need to be real and honest about the corrupt areas of our heart. And we need to allow him to journey with us in those ugly areas because he's faithful that way.

Number three, based upon this story, here's a thought for you guys. God is kind of. God is so kind. If the Lord can go out of his way to supernaturally intervene for Balaam, how much more will he do it for you?

When the Lord exposes. I want you guys to really hear this. It took me about a year and a half when I first came to the refuge to really, really understand this. That when the. When I understood it, it really set me free.

You ready? And it's this, that when the Lord exposes the condition of our heart or who we really are, he never does it to humiliate us, but he does it to invite us into him. When he exposes your heart, right when you step back and really look at the condition of your heart and go, man, why, why am I, you know, like when your ask is exposing your heart and you really know where you are, like, the Lord's not doing it to go, ha ha, I told you, the Lord's not doing it to humiliate you. And sometimes I think that because we, we sometimes tend to cast our disappointments and our dysfunction and the lens that we have because of our parental system, sometimes we cast that on the Lord, that sometimes it's very hard for us to even kind of have those hard conversations with God. But God is so kind when he exposes our hearts, when he convicts our hearts.

It's his kindness, right, that goes out of. Out of our way, out of his way to, to intervene in your life, to go, hey, I want to deal with this heart issue. A revelation that I feel like I, I kind of came to in Pastor Terry's door yesterday was I was like, oh, this story is. Yes, it's about. The story about Balaam, right, Cursing the children of Israel.

Yes, it's about Israel, but it's also about God's kindness towards Balaam. Like you would send a donkey to speak an angel. That's God's kindness to a deal with his greed inside of him. Like, if God can do that for him, man, God can do it for you.

God is so kind, he's so faithful. He's the only one that can really address the waywardness of our hearts. And I wanna say this to everybody, and I want you to really hear me, because I feel like it's for someone right now. And if I wanna challenge you, if you don't address these areas in your heart right now, you'll pay for it later. And that's not God's desire for us.

It's his desire that through this invitation, that we would welcome him into these areas of our lives. I don't know if it's just that I feel like I'm pioneering a new way. You know, I really didn't have a good relationship with my dad, so I really take it serious. Like my responsibility as a father. I really take it really serious.

And man, do I blow it. But there's a fear of God in me because I want to address my stuff right now, because I want to make it easier for them. My prayer for my sons is that my sons would know God in a much deeper way, that they would hear his voice clearly more than I do. That they would do much more for the kingdom of heaven than I ever had. And that starts with, by the, by the decisions of my own life, by really being intentional to address my stuff right now.

Because if I don't address my stuff, they're going to pay for it later. And I don't want that. And some of us have to. Sometimes for some of you, you have to view it that way. That you have to address your stuff right now.

What if Balaam would have addressed his heart? I mean, he repented on the road, the Bible says, but I don't think he really addressed. He. He got what I call a. He had a.

It's almost like he won the battle, but the war, he lost. He repented for that moment. But later on in Scripture, like, he totally disobeyed God and dishonored God's people. And I'll hit on that in a second. I think that the reality of it is that in God's kindness, he just has a way of just reaching us.

I was thinking about this early on. Like, I know I had mentioned that sometimes because of our family dynamic, we. We tend to kind of like put this filter on God or this lens on God. And very early on, I got saved in 1999. I think it makes me 20 something years old in the Kingdom, I guess, praise God.

But when I first got saved, I just. Well, this hasn't changed. And God has to help me. I'm really hard on myself and God has to help me. But I was like, to the extreme when I first got saved.

Like, I was like, I am this worst of sinners. God hates me. You know, like, I'm the worst. And so I would read the Bible, and then sometimes I would read certain passages and I would freak myself out, like, uh, you know, like, here's one of them. Matthew 7, 21, 23, right?

It's this. It's. It's this. Not everyone who calls on me, Lord, Lord will enter the kingdom of Heaven. Only those who actually do the will of My Father in heaven will enter on Judgment Day.

Many will say, lord, Lord, who prophesied in youn name and cast out demons in youn name and perform many miracles in your name. But I will reply, I. I never knew you. Get away from me. You who break God's law. I'm like, I'm like 16, you know, like, trying to live for God, trying to start a campus ministry.

Like, I'm not doing bad stuff. And I'm like, what if that's me? You know, like, what if I'm gonna get to heaven and God's gonna be like, depart from me. I never knew you. And I'm having, like, all these anxious thoughts, like, oh, God hates me.

I'm the worst one. Have no concept of grace, have no concept of the love of God. I'm just overwhelming myself, right, that. Honestly, at times it made me afraid to, like, read the Word of God. And then I felt like, kind of in my anxiety, the Lord gently kind of spoke to my heart.

And this is what he said. If that's your fear, then just know me now.

If that's your greatest anxiety, then with your whole heart, just know me right now.

I think sometimes, guys, can I be honest with you? I think that's what God says to us sometimes, that I think sometimes we're oblivious to the things that are in front of us and that I think sometimes we have this ability to just really address the hard things in our lives right now with his help, because he's kind like. I think that in this passage, I'm not going to get into it. I think that's a whole another teaching. I think that, like, the reality looking at it now is I think a lot of people will be shocked.

I don't want to be shocked. God, if there's anything in me that you would say that in me, God, address it in me now. I don't want to pay for it later. Amen.

See, Balaam did not address his heart. He addressed the moment. It says the Bible tells us in Numbers 22 that he repented for his actions. When he finally heard the donkey speak and the angel with the sword, he finally addressed his heart. But the reality is he still went and he was still trying to curse the people of Israel.

In reality, because of God's goodness, right? He was hired to speak curses, but the only thing he could speak was blessings. Hallelujah. God is good, God is faithful. But the Bible tells us that though he didn't curse the people of Israel, there were still some things that he did that we see later in Scripture as a result of his heart not being addressed.

And it's this, that Balaam didn't curse the Israelites, but the Bible tells us, or gives reference to the fact that he advised the Moabites to a different way to defeat the Israelites. He advised the women to seduce the men and to seduce them and to sleep with them. And as a result of that, the women with them turned them from worshiping the one true God, Yahweh, to now worshiping their gods. And that's what happened. Israel finds himself in sin because they were seduced by the Moabite women.

They begin to worship the other idols, which was forbidden. And all of a sudden, the Lord sends a plague. And the Bible tells us that 24,000 Israelites were killed, but God was faithful. And here's the thing, right, that the nation of Israel, when they waged war against the Moabites, they won and as a part of their. Their victory, they also ended up killing Balaam, son of Boar, for his wickedness because he didn't address the stuff in his own life.

Listen, I want to say this to all of you guys.

I think that the Lord really, in all of us, in his kindness, just wants to really, in an intimate way to journey with us. I just want to remind this to you, to many of you, and I hope that you hear my heart in an intimate way. The Lord's looking to journey with you in an intimate way that he. That he lets you know that he's comfortable with the good, the bad, the ugly of your life. Like, I find myself even in this season right now, honestly, I feel like there's areas in my life that I've just had to be like, lord, here's the good, the bad, the ugly again, God.

And I feel like God says, I'm good with it. Let's journey together. So here's pa's practical action step to deal with this in God's kindness. When the Lord reveals things to you right after you're done confessing your sins to God, if you're still struggling, go and find a brother or sister in Christ that has victory over the thing you're struggling with and tell on yourself. Let me tell you something.

Accountability is so good for us. Accountability in the kingdom of heaven really is going to a brother or sister and not doing it for them, but allowing them the opportunity to hold you responsible for your actions, for your opinions, to pray for you, to correct you, right to journey with you.

And so I just want to encourage you guys that that's good for us. But it first starts with first, our confession has to be with God, because out of that confession, right, accountability works. I think sometimes we can tend to have it opposite where we go to people and we never go to God. And that's not God's heart for us. Can you come to the Keys real quick?

So in this story, there are three things I want to just briefly recap and challenge you with. And can we just take some time to address our own hearts, to evaluate our hearts tonight? Is that okay? So, number one, Like, are you being an effective disciple in the area of your prayer life?

Are you being effective? Are you coming into agreement with what he's already said in your life?

Number two, is your heart exposed? If you were to step back tonight and just realize, man, what's the intention of why I'm praying for the things that I'm praying? And if your heart's exposed, like My challenge to you tonight is, what are you going to do with that? Because there's a beautiful invitation from the Lord that says, I want to journey with you.

I've said it to so many people that there's a difference with the Lord between humiliation and being humble. And God operates in humility, not humiliation. So wherever your heart is exposed tonight, maybe wherever you are in your own stuff as your heart's exposed, I want you. I want to say to you, he's kind, Number three. He's kind.

He's so kind. Look at me. I just. I want you to hear it again. He's so kind that he's for you.

He's not against you, he loves you, he's with you. And he. He's excited. I can. I can say this confidently.

He's excited about journeying with you. He's excited about doing supernatural things in your life for the sake of your freedom. He's excited about. About you inviting him to the good, the bad, the ugly, the things that maybe you're embarrassed to. To really confess.

And he looks at you not with condemnation, not with humiliation, but he goes, come on, I'll journey with you hand in hand. Because if he could do it for someone corrupt like Balaam, he could do it for you.