Family Focus Part 1 | Wednesday Night Service

We have a fun thing planned for this evening. And to tell you more about that, my beautiful wife, Samantha. Man, I am a lucky man.

I am blessed. Hallelujah. Thank you, honey. What do you want to tell us? Well, I just want to say good evening and welcome to part one of Wednesday night Family Focus.

We are pastors Andrew and Sam, and we are so excited and honored to lead the young families here at the Refuge.

Yes. Where my young families at? Hallelujah. I'm sure that many of you here have absolutely no idea what we do in the young families ministry other than a quick little promo that you guys see on currently every month. Well, allow me to officially introduce you to the young families ministry.

The heartbeat of the ministry is to bring discipleship and community to the families of the Refuge. We are not looking to bring more to your already crazy schedule that you're trying to manage and juggle. We are intentional and purposeful about creating events and teaching on topics based upon how the Lord leads us. Yes, we have the most amazing leaders that you can identify tonight by our pretty cool t shirts. We should have a slide.

We should have a slide for them. Yes. Execute all of our events and whom from? You'll hear from some of them this evening. So all of our leaders are on those pictures.

Very grateful. We have a mission statement with the young families and that is to see marriages and families thrive. Throw through biblical instruction, practical guidance and life giving relationships. Amen. 2024 was the inaugural year for our ministry.

It was a year in which we tilled the soil, planted the seeds that established our ministry. I think we have a slide for some of those pictures. Do we have a slide for the pitchers? There's a collage. Oh, we.

Well, we haven't gotten to that point yet. Oh, my bad. You're jumping ahead. I'm jumping ahead. Jumping ahead.

I'm very sorry. He's just really excited. I gotta get through the scripture first before we can have fun. So in 2025, the Lord is calling us to grow deeper roots in him to help our families mature. And because where roots are planted, fruit is then produced.

Amen. So Colossians 2, 6 and 7. And now, just as you accepted Christ as your Lord, you must continue to follow him. Let your roots grow deep in him and let your lives be built on Him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.

The fruit we hope to produce as we mature in Christ is found in Colossians 3, 12, 15, which states, Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved. Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another. If you have any grievance against someone, forgive as the Lord forgave you and have all of these virtues put on love which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts just as members of one body as you were called to peace and be thankful.

Kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forgiveness, and peace. These are the virtues and the truths that we pull out and focus on each and every month as we meet and continue to unlock the truths of God's Word. Amen. You will see in our ministry that we integrate all of these virtues each month. Whether we are gathering together to have fun or we're teaching and we're growing deeper in the Lord.

Our goal for our ministry, not only this year, but every year, is to always implement these virtues and instructions into our marriages and families. Amen. Now getting to the good part. Last year we taught on Biblical truths concerning healthy marriages, biblical parenting, biblical finances, sex and intimacy. But we also established the truth of God's word as we grew and connected with one another each month.

Last month, who here from the young family was here for our April thrive night Last month Pastor Steph came. Yes, brought the house down with a powerful word concerning spiritual warfare in the home. Yes, it was intense as she talked about the ways that the enemy is looking to destroy our families, but entered with a really sweet time of surrender as we all gathered here in the altars and allowed the Lord to show us how we can further protect our families from the attack of the enemy. But don't think all we do is just work. Us young families know how to have a lot of fun every other month in our ministry.

We have teaching and then we have fellowship. We Last year we started off our first fellowship night with a newlywed themed date night. We gathered together, had food and played the Newlywed Game where we found out which couples really knew each other well. And at the end of the night, we had a surprise flash mob. Yes, a flash mob.

A flash mob where I even convinced Pastor J and Mel to join in on the fun. And they did. And they rocked it. They did so well. You guys were tricked into it.

My bad. So sorry about that.

The last date night of last year was a 90s theme night. Everyone came dressed in their best 90s attire and reminisced of the good old days. We ate and played an intense game of Family Feud where it challenged the memories of the shows, movies, and music we all loved in the 90s. This year, our date night was one for the record book. It all started with eating around the world.

We enjoyed food from Mexico, Italy, and China. And then once our bellies were full of rice and pasta, we played the Amazing Race. It was a game that challenged our physical strength, our mental stamina, our memory skills, and of course, Bible knowledge. I think we have a picture of it, right? Yes, I think.

Oh, we should show the date nights from last year. The first collage. I don't know. Sorry. Back there.

If you're trying to track along with us, it's a bit like ping pong up here. Yeah. There's last year. There's all the fun we had last year. So much fun.

Yep. If you're not a part of it, that's all the fun you're missing out on. Look at April Savage throwing her hands up in the air. Love it. All right, the next slide is the Amazing Race that we had in March.

So much fun. Super intense. Pastor Brabu always walks away as the winner. I don't really know how that happens. Don't know how that happens, but so much fun.

And lastly, young family host park days. That happens once a month on a Saturday. It's an opportunity for you and your families to come hang out with us at the park. We fill the park with kids and fellowship. Super low key, but provides community while we are all raising kids in these days.

Well, Andrew, it wouldn't be a ministry if we didn't have a T shirt, would it? Boom. So we have a T shirt. We have a T shirt. We're wearing the T shirt.

If you are a young family or hope to be a young family one day or whatever. Or you know what? If you're just a really cool T shirt, you are able to get one tonight if you'd like to have one. We do have a T shirt. So now the reason why the T shirt says rooted on the back is exactly what Sam just mentioned a minute ago is we want to take the aspect of young families from sowing seeds, which is what we did in year one, to taking root, which is why we are doing everything we know how to do with the help of the Holy Spirit to grow as mature believers.

Even though we are young, possibly in family, we have a lot to learn, I'm sure. Sam and I have been married for 15 years, going on 16 years. We have four kids, and it is. It's a blast. But I will tell you this.

Without root systems, they're going to Dry up, Gus. It will not matter if you're not tapping into the root of who Christ is in your life. It will not matter how much money you've got or how far you've gone in your career. You will dry up. You'll find out.

So that's why we put that on the back of the T shirt. So also, things happen at a breakneck speak. For example, today was supposed to look a little bit differently for as far as how tonight was going to go, but some of our young family leaders, we love them, they actually woke up and told us, oh no, man, this stomach bug has hit our house so we can't actually participate tonight. I'm like, well, we don't want you to spread that around. So thanks for not doing that.

But because of that, you gotta pivot. As a young family, you're cruising along, things are going great, then your kid pukes on your shoes. And you know what? You gotta move, you gotta pivot, you gotta do it. That's life.

That's how it rolls. So we pivot. Now, the best way to keep up with the pivots of the young family is through our text messages and emails. We have a QR code that we can put on the screen. If you want to receive texts or emails about when we're doing stuff, you can do that.

That's a QR code that'll let you do it. You can also follow us on social media, which is just effuge youngfamilies if you're interested. But we have all kinds of fun stuff. We all kinds of teachings and date nights and fellowship nights and man, incredible times. And I wanted to say, Pastors J and Mel, thank you so much for believing in this ministry, for taking a risk on it.

We are so grateful that you have been so supportive. We love you guys. So grateful for that. So, topics for tonight. Can you throw that screen?

There we go. What are we talking about tonight? Number one, spiritual development and discipleship within the family. Raising strong willed children. Anybody have strong willed kids?

Don't raise your hand if your kids next to you if they're a grown up. Just saying. Raising stronghold kids. Biblical discipline and consistent messaging from parents and grandparents, which is a major, major facet of how young families interact with folks who are intergenerational and then breaking generational strongholds within a family. We're going to talk about multiple of these aspects of it tonight and we are going to have some of our young family leadership.

Who's here tonight. We're going to ask a few questions. About how they've monitored and managed through the help of the Holy Spirit through some of these aspects. Now but like Sam said, I like to have fun. So before we jump into tonight's meat potatoes of teaching, I want you guys, there's a video we want to show.

Who here was raising kids in the 90s. Who here was doing that? Okay, okay. Pretty good chunk of folks who here grew up in the 90s as a kid who was a kid. Okay, okay.

All my people showed up tonight. Praise God. Hallelujah. So let's roll the clip about what that might have looked like from then to now.

Hey honey, where are the kids? I'm not sure, let me check.

Kids?

Kids.

I don't know babe. We'll just have to wait till they come home. Hey babe, where are the kids? Oh, they're at the park. Kids.

Kelly, dinner. Call and see if they're hungry. Hey dad. Hey baby girl. Kids, dinner.

Are you guys hungry? Yeah, I'm hungry. All right, well come home for lunch. How simple was that? Okay kiddos, which movie you want to watch?

I got two options. Funny or sad. What we feeling? All right kids, what do you want to watch? Your options are literally anything.

Anything that's ever existed in the world you could watch. Daddy, I'm thirsty. Oh, there you go buckaroo. There you go. Nothing beats hose water.

Let me hit that. Wait, wait, wait, no, don't drink that toxic water. Here, drink this. Reverse osmosis filtered water out of my stainless steel tumbler. It's called VR.

Doesn't it look real? Wow, that's crazy. Ha ha. Check this out buckaroo. This is called 3D.

Wow, that's crazy. That is wild, isn't it? Alright kids, I got you all packed up for your first day of school. Organic bananas, gluten free snacks, water bottle. All right kids, I got everything packed for your first day of school.

We got an enormous binder, sack, lunch, extremely baggy jeans, a fanny pack full of mechanical pencils and your jellies. Now go get your stuff in your bag and get on the bus. Hey babe, what are the kids up to? Oh, they're in the basement watching kids play video games. Aw, they're sharing?

No, they're watching other kids on the Internet play video games. Well that seems dangerous, but okay. Say hun, what are the kids up to? Oh, they're down by the railroad tracks making bike jumps.

That seems dangerous. Yeah, probably a little dangerous, but you know, kids are kids. Oh hey Juno. Dad, I just sent you something. What's that?

I took Some selfies. Oh, look at that. You took 4,000 selfies and sent them to me. That is awesome fun. The baby's taking his first step.

Get the camera.

Oh, shoot. Camera's full. What? Just gonna have to remember it. He'll walk.

Let's finish our coffee.

Yes, we. Okay. I was the kid at the railroad tracks making the bike jumps. That was me for sure. I don't know about you guys in the room, but I figured you guys could appreciate the fact that we know that we're in a room filled with intergenerational folks, some who are raising kids in the 90s and maybe in the 80s or before that.

And then a lot of us who grew up in the 90s, which is what we're looking at up here. So many things have changed, but God's word has remained the same. His principles have stayed the same. So tonight we are joined with some leaders from our young families. Team Sam's going to tee it up.

Yes. Well, allow me to introduce you to Josh and Candace Benton. We're so excited that they're here with us tonight and going to help us teach. So, Josh and Candice, why don't you guys tell us a little bit about your family, how long you've been married, and how you guys found the refuge. Well, good afternoon, guys.

Again, I'm Josh, and this is my awesome, beautiful wife, Candice. And So we have three children. Davey, Cole, and Everly. Their ages are 11, 9, and 7. And Candace and I have been married for 15 years this year.

So give a shout out for that. And we came to the refuge in February of 2021, and Candice has got a short story on how we found the church. Yeah. So I'll try to keep it short because I love this testimony. It is such an answered prayer, and it is a God story.

For years, I was praying that the Lord would send us to a church, that we would be filled. I was so hungry. And we were currently at another church, and our kids at the time would not go back to the nursery. So a lot of times I would let him stay in service, and I would go to the car with the kids and I would sit there and I would do devotional after devotional, and I would read and I would pray and I would watch other sermons from other places. And I was literally in a church parking lot praying, lord, send us somewhere that I can be filled because I'm so hungry for you in your presence.

And so you fast forward a couple of years, and one night I was cooking dinner and the Holy Spirit said, look up the church that you went that event to. And I was like, okay, that's random. And so I knew on the map where this church was at, but I couldn't remember the name of it. But then the refuge popped up on my Google Maps, and I was like, the refuge. Gosh, that sounds so familiar for some reason, but I know I've never been there.

Like, I've never been to that part of town. I don't know why this seems so familiar. So I looked up the website, and I watched the last sermon from the week before, and I literally stood in my kitchen bawling, crying. But I was like, oh, my gosh. And he comes in from grilling.

He's like, what is wrong with you? He's like, why are you crying? And I was like, you have to watch this. So he watched it and he said, okay, well, let's go in the morning. And I was like, really?

Like, really? Really? You're not messing? And he was like, no, let's go. So we went the next morning and we both weeped, like, probably the whole time because we could feel the presence of the Lord.

Praise God. And we got in the car and we both were just, like, on this spiritual high. And we were just like. And we looked at each other and we said, what just happened? I was like, I don't know, but I can't wait to do it again.

Come on. Hallelujah. So good we've come every, every time since. We've never looked back. We're so glad, man.

And now you guys are serving in the young families leadership team, and you guys have faithfully served in so many different capacities of this church. I, for one, this is year two of young families, and they have been in the inaugural year and have chosen. We didn't scare them off, so they came back for year two, which I'm very thankful for. And Josh and Candice are the salt of the earth, man. You guys are incredible people.

Our whole leadership team is phenomenal. I'm so grateful. I cannot wait for you guys to meet the rest of them when the time comes. So, okay, that was excellent introduction. Now, meat and potatoes.

We're talking about raising kids now. The word of God is filled with parenting advice. Josh and Candice talk about how you. You guys were raised and disciplined and how the guidance of the Holy Spirit has led you in your own to form disciplining your children. How did that change from what you received to what you now do?

So I'll take that, Andrew. Guys, I was raised in kind of two extremes. At age 6, my parents were walking through a divorce. My dad took custody of me and my sister. And, you know, discipline in the house was just tough at that time.

There was a lot of anger, a lot of lack of self control, just kind of internal frustration within the home that that really resulted into a lot of just harsh discipline, you know, and really it was abuse. Wow. You know, and ultimately, you know, my sister and I walked around with bruises and scabs on us for the longest time. Wow. One of my last childhood memories, my dad actually hit me in the face with a belt buckle and it ripped my face.

You know, my goodness. Shortly after that, thank the Lord, we were taken out of our home and my grandparents took custody of us. And so really that was such a pivotal point for me in my childhood and really such a foundational block for me and my sister because we kind of fast forward. And this is where I experienced the second extreme. My grandfather was a Southern Baptist preacher.

He didn't pastor a church, but we were raised in church, you know, and everything at that point when they took custody of us, it was really rooted in love and guidance regarding discipline was rooted in guidance, you know, to steer us to be more Christ. Like, praise God. And I'm so thankful. And I just honored them tonight. They've gone to be with the Lord many, many years ago, but I'm just so thankful for the investment that they spent in me and my sister.

And Amen. Praise God. Now we fast forward 30 couple years. I'll be 40 years old this month. And again, we have three crazy kids.

Young guy, look at you. And you know, we're in the busy season of life right now, and life is crazy. But I can honestly say the Holy Spirit has taken the good and the bad that I've experienced and helped me channel that to discipline our own children and disciple them. Praise God. With that being said, I do have two quick slides that I want to share before we wrap this question up.

If I could have that first slide put up about true biblical discipline. And it says to aim and train children in righteousness and obedience, not as punishment, but as a means of fostering godly character and teaching them to follow God's ways. Amen. And church. What I would say about this is, you know, our number one goal as parents is to point our kids to Jesus.

It is. It absolutely is. That is it. We can get a lot of things wrong, but in the area of discipling our children and disciplining them, our focus has to be to Point them to Jesus. That is the only standard that there is.

Second slide. If I could have that point up. I'm going to just explain three quick core values that our family has found helpful in raising children. Speaking about you and Candace. Okay.

Yep. Our family number one is discipline is an act of love. And there's several scriptures that reference this, several that are very similar. The one I chose Tonight is Proverbs 3, 11 and 12. And it says, my child, don't reject the Lord's discipline and don't be upset when he corrects you.

For the Lord corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights. That's right. And you know, this verse for us really emphasizes that like God's discipline, that the children stem from love and a desire for their well being to be more Christlike. So really, just as the Father disciples us and disciplines us, you know, there's two key things to keep in mind here. One is he does that because he loves us.

Right. You know, second thing is he's drawing us closer to him. And as a parent, as parents, that is our goal with our children is first of all to show them love and to point them to Jesus. Yeah. Second thing here is as parents we have to focus on character, not just behavior.

True discipline aims to shape a child's character and heart, not just to correct the specific behavior and church. If we can focus on that and again, not get so caught up in the behavior. And I'll be the first one to tell you, I'm not great at this all the time when it's been a long day at work and you come home and I can tell her, enough cups already up here just flowing out the top. You know, I come in and you come into dad mode real quick. I do.

And all of a sudden head starts to fly, you know what I mean? And.

But I would say this, as parents, if we can stay out of our own emotions, no matter really what our day is look like and focus on our children and their character and their heart, man has made such an impact in our family. Praise God. I mean, Candice, I know that there's more that you wanted to share, but I know I have a follow up question for you in a minute, but finish this point. But I have a burning question I'm curious about. And then number three here, discipline is a process of teaching and training.

You know, this involves guiding children towards making godly choices and understanding consequences of their actions. Ask God to help you as parents to discipline your children in A way that's pleasing to him. And kind of wrap this up on my end with this. You know, what looks right, discipline for my family doesn't necessarily. It may not look the same for yours.

And what would look right for maybe one of your children may not be the same as you provide for the other. You know, for our family, we have really focused on just going before the father and asking him, lord, what looks right for every one of my child know? And he's been faithful to show us that. Amen. Praise God.

Chair Candice, as far as your upbringing? And then I just have a question just for the two of you guys, as a follow up. Okay. So, yes, I'll. I'll get into a little bit more of my upbringing probably later tonight.

But as far as discipline, discipline goes, I was raised in. In a home that used physical, just like Josh, physical punishment. And I was the youngest of three. So basically, I sat back and watched my older sisters get in trouble. And I said, I'm not going to do that because I don't like the belt on my behind.

And so in result, honestly, it turned me into a person that was a people pleaser and gave me fear of disappointing my parents and disappointing people in general. And so it wasn't, you know, rooted in. It wasn't discipline rooted in love. It was more of, we're gonna stop this behavior right now, you know, and it was discipline and fear. And so that's kind of where I came from.

And so when it was my turn to become a parent, I, of course, went straight to the father and I said, lord, like, I know what I saw growing up, but what do you want for our family and for our children? And so he's been so good. And I'll share more about that later, too. Yeah, I was. Last 30 seconds.

Yeah. For those in the room that are here listening, Josh, what would you say to those who grew up who had abusive fathers, how you found healing on your own path, becoming a father? That was the exact opposite to that. How did you let the Lord heal that wound so that you didn't repeat the same behaviors? You know, I would say that the Lord just really worked on my heart.

I was able to spend more time with my biological dad, even though I wasn't in his custody. The Lord really just softened my heart about it. You know, honestly, he wasn't really all there. There were some other health issues and things that kind of took place in our family. But, you know, I knew ultimately that I had to forgive him and that he really did Love me, even though that the abuse was there and it was that bad at such a young age.

But so thankful for my grandparents because without being. Without experiencing the love that they gave me and just the biblical foundation that they provided, I don't know that I would have made it to that point to forgive him. Praise God. Thankful for the grandparents in the room. So if you're a grandparent man, I'm a big fan.

We love you, grandparents. I'm a big fan of old people. I'm a big fan.

We love grandparents. We love you, and we all are you. You're above 50. Raise your hand. I'm telling you.

All right. We don't. We don't like it when grandparents go out of town because that means we have to do everything on our own. That's true. We need you.

So. Yes. All right. Well, Josh and Candace, how has the dynamic changed between you and your own parents since raising your children? Where have you guys had to lay boundaries concerning, you know, raising your children versus where your parents think you should be doing?

A big topic. Why don't you take that one? So I just have basically my mom left, and both his grandparents have passed away and his dad. So it's mainly just my mom, and she got remarried recently. And so I don't.

This doesn't come from a place of dishonoring your parents, but at some point when you become a parent, you have to. To learn to speak up for yourself, speak up for what you believe in. And when you're trying to raise a family in a consecrated atmosphere to the Lord, you have to do that even more. So. So we have had to have those awkward conversations of, hey, this is what we're doing for our family, and we would appreciate if you agree with us and also do that.

And so it's not always fun, but it does have to happen. You do have to put boundaries in place to help protect your children and protect their hearts.

The saying goes, it takes a village to raise a child. Right. But be careful who's in your village, because I would rather have a small village raising my kids and helping me that I know are helping keep them focused to the Lord and helping them walk in godliness rather than a large village where they're getting all kinds of nonsense thrown at them. So good. That is so true.

Oh, man, that's so true, Candice. I appreciate that wisdom. I know that there's a lot of families in the room who are struggling with breaking free from generational curses and habits. How have you guys had to rewrite the narrative in your own family concerning your guys upbringing. It's a big deal.

Yeah, me. Okay, me again. You again. Okay, who's next? So mine's a little heavy.

I grew up in an alcoholic home. Both my parents were alcoholics. My grandfather was an alcoholic, my great grandfather. So it goes back at least three generations that I know of on my dad's side. And alcohol actually caused was part of the reason that my dad committed suicide on Christmas night because he was drinking at the time and he wasn't in his right mind.

So growing up, I saw what alcohol did firsthand. And they say sometimes the worst example can be the best example. Because watching this and seeing what it does to you made me not even want to dabble with it. I was like, I'm good. I don't want my life to look like that.

After he took his life, that was really the breaking of the chain where I said, that is not what we want for our family. So we have just very strict policies in place because we have to break it. So Good. Yeah.

And so I can. You want me to go ahead and move on to the next question? Let me share one thing real quick about just generational curses. So regarding my family, you know, a lot of my aunts and uncles and cousins and really my whole family, Andrew, has ran from the Lord, even though they had some upbringing in church.

And when I met Candice, I told her that this was not going to happen to our family. Like it had to stop with me. You know, there's a foundational verse that I really. The Lord has just put on my heart. You guys all know it, but it's Joshua 24:15 and it says, as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

And this has been so true. Come on. God is so faithful, man. It's just he's had a calling on my life and pulled me to him and to the point to where I have ran from that to some degree, if I'm honest, because I'm nervous. I'm scared of what people may think of me and what that looks like.

I mean, even for you folks sitting out there, I would have never guessed in a million years that I would be sitting here doing this panel. And if you ask me to do it again, we're going to have some words. I'm just kidding. We still haven't gotten you to dance yet. I know, right?

So there's more dancing. We got to get them to dance. That's when we really run it hard. We know. So I just.

I just say this. We're going to serve the Lord and we're going to say yes, and no matter what that looks like, if it makes me feel uncomfortable, so be it. You know, I want to honor the Lord with my life, and I'm just thankful for that. I'm so proud of you, Josh. I will say as a man of God and for the men in the room, I also serve as the refuge men's pastor.

And I want to make a statement about the fact that it requires men, you to submit to the Holy Spirit for you to lead. Well, it's required. We cannot expect from. For our wives, our children, or anybody else for that matter to just blindly say, sure, if they think that you're just going to fall off the guardrails, but when they see that you are submitted and the fruit of you being submitted to the Holy Spirit, order happens, all of a sudden, order in your home seems so much easier because it's God's way. It's God's design.

So, men, Josh, I appreciate the fact that for your family, for the lineage that you were creating, for what you have been entrusted with, you're a man of God, and I'm great. We need men to step up to the plate. So praise God for you. Josh, Is there any practical advice or guidance that you can give to us families who may be walking through similar journeys concerning boundaries? Yeah, absolutely.

Absolutely. Well, advice for breaking off generational patterns and curses. I want to point a book out to you that I don't have with me tonight, but it's Derek's Prince's how to Pass from Curse to Blessing. Amen. Okay.

And then I have a little excerpt that I want to read out of praying circles around your children, if that's good. Come on, let's do says your prayers are prophecy. You can write the future of your family with your prayers. Like my grandfather did for me. Am I stretching the truth?

Not at all. I'm circling the promise of Psalms 103, 17. But the mercy of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him and his righteousness. To children's children. Jesus.

Jesus Christ broke the curse of sin at Calvary and secured every spiritual blessing as our inheritance. This is our birthright of children, of our Heavenly Father. And it is our responsibility as parents to pass down this generational blessing to our earthly children. Maybe you were victims of abuse or you didn't have a father, or you were a child of divorce. You never felt loved or always felt ashamed.

You were afraid of making the same Mistake. Jesus Christ broke the curse so that you can break the cycle. This doesn't mean it happens quickly or easily, but if you pray through, you'll eventually experience the breakthrough. And you won't just be blessed. You'll pass on the blessing to the next generation.

Come on. Hallelujah. Praying through this and some other practical things that I want to point out is, number one, we have to identify. If we have a problem, we have to speak it out loud. We have to bring it to the light because the enemy wants us to keep it hidden.

He wants us to stay in darkness. He wants it to be like, oh, it's not that bad, you know? And so we have to speak it out. Also, if you're having a problem with addiction, with alcohol, with any type of advice, receive and seek counseling. There are so many people here, there's so many pastors, so many leaders that are willing and able and excited to help you.

We have the Zozo Ministry. I brought my Sozo book. Hallelujah. Freedom Tools. It's a good one.

Come on. But we have Sozo with Gracie Denton. It's amazing. Pastor Stephanie, she will deliver you from anything. The Demon Slayer.

I mean, the Demon Slayer. We are not doing without here. Like, right? We need to be free people so that we can help free other people. Come on, Candace.

Hallelujah. So we need to take those steps. And then last, we have to take the steps to remove it out of our lives. So if that means that you have to go home and pour anything down the drain. Come on, you do that.

If you have to throw your computer out the window, you do that. If you need a flip flop, you get the flip phone. You know, you do whatever measure it takes to stop it. Because the enemy wants you to think that it's not a big deal. And it's okay, you know.

Ma', am, she's preaching tonight. She's preaching. She's preaching. Come on, girl. Hallelujah.

We got just one more question for you guys and then we're gonna. We may go just a skosh over 8 o'. Clock. So please, I promise you for this one, you won't even notice. You won't even notice.

You're gonna have so much fun. All right. Some parents in the room might be dealing with having strong willed children. Apparently, Josh and Candace claim that they have any experience in this. And I've told them that I think that they're both lying because their children are angelic.

Josh and Candace, can you please talk to us about strong willed children? Because apparently you have advice for us, even though I'm not really sure what you're gonna say. Cause your children are angelic. No, we have journeyed this road, actually. It's hilarious.

When my first was born, I remember googling, why is my baby so difficult? You know, I had been around children. I have a niece and a nephew that I babysat all the time and something was just different here. And I was like, oh my heavens. But I got some really good advice from my midwife.

She spotted the strong willed and she said, candice, choose your battles. So I say to you, choose your battles because doesn't matter if they wear their princess dress to Walmart for the grocery store. It doesn't matter, you know, as long as it is glorifying to the Lord and it's not out of line biblically and they're not in harm. Choose your battles. You know, teach your kids the strong willed ones the reasons for things.

I have found that very helpful where when we teach them the reason that we're doing something, it helps them understand and it also helps give them sense of power. Not in this wrong sense, but a sense of, oh, okay, mom and dad aren't just trying to be fuddy duddies. Like there is a reason for this. And we see the protection and we see the things that they're trying to do. Every child is different.

Every child's love language is different. If you don't know your kid's love language, I encourage you to learn it because their behavior will change drastically when their love cup is full. Discipline looks different for every child. And strong willed children, they're not a problem, they're not an issue. They are created specifically for a purpose from the Lord.

Strong willed children will grow up to be excellent leaders. They will be courageous. They will stand up for what is right. They will not cower down. And so it's so important as parents.

For even though there's days it feels like we're getting the brunt of this and we just want to throw in the towel. And it's so important for us to not break that spirit and to disciple that spirit for them so that they will use it for the greater good and for God's good when they get older and that it's not stifled. That was definitely one of my prayers. I was actually looking through my prayer book and it was one of my prayers like, lord, don't let me break her spirit because it's beautiful and you made her that way for a reason. So.

So don't let me get in the way of it. And I'll also encourage you if you have strong willed kids. Guys, there's so many books out there. There's so many books. And I've read a couple and honestly there was a couple that I read the first chapter and I said that was a joke and I threw it away.

But don't ever underestimate the value of nothing compares to the Lord. And when you bring him into the situation, when you ask him his opinion, there's no book that can ever compare to that. The Lord has been so sweet to me with this because I've prayed many times, Lord, what do I do with this child? How do I discipline this child? And even on the days that I'm in my wits end, I'll go, are you sure?

Are you sure that this is right? Because I don't feel like it's right. God, what. What do you want me to do? And every time without fail, he says, just love them and I will fill in the rest.

So it goes back to that. Disciplining your child in love and God will take care of everything else. I love it. So good. Candice, thank you so much for your vulnerability and honesty and teaching us that.

Thank you for sharing it too, man. I meant a lot of you guys have been parents for. How old is your oldest? 11. Okay, so, yeah, the middle school years are upon us.

So any middle school survivors out there? Anybody that made it through middle school? Scary. Lord help us, Jesus. So, okay, we're gonna land this plane.

Guys, thank you so much for sharing the way that God has led you in this journey. We have some thoughts about raising kids and this is what we want to say. Can everybody hear me okay with this microphone? Can we hear me okay? Okay.

One of the many things that are facing parents and grandparents and raising children is this generation has a major issue with distractions. Extremely bad. So distractions are not only on the surface level, but they're. I mean, they're after the heart of the person. Distractions have only gotten worse since the rise of AI.

And it seems like there may even be a sinister plan from the enemy to keep everyone addicted to bread and circuses. So we've seen the rise of AI, how this generation is becoming more and more acclimated to its influence. AI always has our back when we get stuck doing our kids fifth grade homework. And I don't know what to do. Multiplying fractions.

AI's got my back. I'm great for that. But there's also some problems. It'll teach me how to do it. Show me the work.

And I'm on it. Yes, so, but we had a thought. If we asked a question to AI, what would come back? What was the question? So the question is stated to ChatGPT if I were the devil, how would I destroy the minds of the next generation?

It's alarming and scary that ChatGPT answered this question so perfectly. ChatGPT states, that's a heavy, deep question. Very CS Lewis or Screwtape Letters kind of vibe. If I were answering that from a fictional devil's advocate perspective to destroy young minds, I would aim to corrupt their attention, weaken their critical thinking, and drown them in distractions. Here's how it might look Flood them with endless, shallow entertainment so they crave instant gratification and lose patience for deep thought or real learning.

Confuse their understandings of truth. Make every theme seem relative, blurry, and driven by emotion rather than fact. Normalize selfishness and pride. Make virtues like humility, perseverance, and kindness seem outdated or even weak. Destroy real community.

Replace real friendships with hollow with hollow online validation, making them lonelier and easier to manipulate. Make them worship their feelings. Teach them that whatever they feel must be true and challenge an outside challenge, and an outside challenge to that is hate. Break down the family unit. Erode trust between generations, so wisdom is lost and kids grow up without a sense of rootedness.

Push hopelessness and cynicism. Make the future look bleak and convince them it's not worth striving for anything bigger than themselves. In short, steal their hope, blur their vision, and addict them to noise. You want me to flesh this out even darker, says chatgpt. Maybe show you a more subtle version on how it could happen without them even noticing?

All right, let's dive into a more subtle insidious I was trying to learn that word all day. Insidious version. Not fire and brimstone, but slow, quiet corrosion. The kind that looks normal while it poisons everything underneath. If I were the devil aiming to destroy the next generation without them noticing, I would when heart is that right, I would Then you go some thoughts that ChatGPT thought would be helpful at destroying generation number one.

Redefine virtue as vice and vice as virtue. Make selfishness look like self care. Make cowardice look like tolerance. Make cruelty look like justice. Twist good words until they serve dark purposes.

So kids grow up fighting for evil while they're thinking they're fighting for good Number two. Saturate them with infinite information, but strip away all kinds of wisdom. Give them access to everything, but no training on how to think, question, or seek the truth. Overwhelm them with opinions so that real knowledge seems impossible and exhausting. Reward distractions.

Punish focus, design, technology and culture so that more scattered you are, the more normal you feel. Make concentration painful, make boredom unbearable, and make silence suspicious. Subtly replace identity with performance. Teach them that who they are depends on what they post, what others like, and what brand they represent. No core, no soul, only the desperate need for attention.

Sell them counterfeit transcendence instead of spiritual hunger for meaning. Offer them endless virtual highs. Consumerism, activism without depth, shallow spirituality that never demands real change. Destroy resilience through false expectations. Make them believe that life should always be fun, easy and affirming.

When hardships inevitably come, crumb. When hardships inevitably come, they'll crumble instead of growing stronger. Disconnect them from the sacred. Make old stories, old wisdom, old values, look boring, outdated, and even oppressive. Cut the roots, because then that happens.

The tree withers if it doesn't fall right away. Turn parents and mentors into enemies. Make every older voice seem out of touch or toxic. Isolate the youth so they have no one trustworthy left to guide them through chaos. Sell them endless outrage.

Get them addicted to being angry, always finding a new villain, a new cause, a new reason to stay divided and distracted. And lastly, whisper to them that they're powerless. Tell them that they're just victims of forces too big to fight. Make them despair before they even try. In short, chatgpt says, I'd aim to break them.

Not all at once. I'd slowly hollow them out until they mistake emptiness for freedom. That's the Internet talking to us. Hallelujah. You're not getting my grandbabies.

So we thought, what does the Bible have to say about this? What does the word of God have to say about how we as parents can defend our children, our grandchildren? I have some help guys, if you guys don't mind passing out one per family, if we can. But we have. There was 10 things that we just heard from Chat GPT about how the enemy is using culture.

And all of you've turned on the TV or seen culture today, but I'm pretty sure that's about how it looks right now. That's a pretty accurate description of what ChatGPT pretty much nailed it on the head. So what if we were to take it a step further and say, hey, how about a counter strategy to how we can raise godly kids and grandkids? What about actually doing something? What about actually plundering hell and populating heaven?

We need a strategy Church. The devil's not playing playtime. He's after your kids souls. And if you think otherwise, let this be your wake up call. There is no.

Well, I'll worry about this tomorrow. No, my friends, tomorrow is now. Your grandkids and your children deserve you being on your knees and in your Bible with a strategy from the word of God. That's what's important. Breaking generational curses from your upbringing, laying down the plans that you have, but gaining the Lord's plan for your family.

Like Josh and Candice stated for us today, it doesn't have to be loud and flashy or forced. In fact, I think it would be best if it was slow, rooted and unstoppable. Just like the planting of an oak tree. Instead of fireworks. We must be rooted.

We must be. Otherwise the whole tree dies and everyone that's attached to it goes with it. So what you have in your hands now is something we've created. I've just called it training up the next generation. It's not the end all, be all.

But it would be a terrible thing to have a ministry that wants to equip young families and then not equip them. That would be terrible, wouldn't it? That'd be a pointless thing, wouldn't it? So you're gonna walk out here tonight with something in your hands to pray over. Take to your prayer closet.

Number one. Go ahead. Teach them the love, the truth, not their feelings. Not to feel what's right, but to seek what's true. Even when it hurts and even when it's hard.

Arm them with discernment so they can cut through the lies like a sword through the fog. And I would say one scripture from that. You have all these scriptures there, Proverbs 23, 23. Get the truth and never sell it for some shiny lesser thing. Never sell it and then get wisdom.

Discipline. That's a very bad word these days. Discipline. But you need it. We all have to have it.

And then good judgment. Number two, train their attention like a muscle in a world designed to distract. Teach them to focus. Small practices like reading long books, sitting still, doing hard things without quitting attention, is the doorway to depth. And depth is where real strength would grow.

We won't read every scripture because you can see them. We're going to go through these very quickly because I want to respect your time. Number three. Reignite wonder. Show them that the world is not just data, but a mystery.

Beauty, glory, the stars, the ocean, the miracles of life. If you can awaken awe, you can awaken hunger for something bigger than themselves. I love how Psalm 104 puts it. Oh, Lord, what a variety of things you have made. In wisdom, you made them all.

The earth is full of your creatures. Here's the ocean, vast and wide, teeming with life of every kind, both large and small. How we forgotten just to be in awe of what God has done. How we've forgotten just to be okay with being outside. Go climb a tree, kid.

And then wonder how it got so big. It's got to start somewhere, guys. It can't be. Here's an iPad. Go sit at the table.

Listen, I think everybody in this room has had those moments of we are filled with, I'm tapped out. Here's a device. Go sit down in the corner. Have we abdicated our responsibility to make sure that we're parenting whom God has entrusted us with? It is so important.

Number four, let's root their identity in eternal, not external. They are not their looks, not their followers, not their grades, not their trauma. Teach them you are a masterpiece made in the image of God. Number five, foster real courage, not fake rebellion. Courage isn't about being edgy.

Courage is about standing for what is good when it costs you, when it's lonely, when it's painful. Courage is the armor against the slow rot of fear and conformity. Amen. Amen. Number six, Teach them to suffer.

Well, this is a big one. Suffering. Say again? No, they don't like suffering. I mean, raise your hand if you love to suffer.

Nobody's gonna raise your hand. No, this is the thing. But you're right. Tough love is a big deal, but suffering. Not to seek suffering, but not to flee it either.

Pain is part of the forge that makes the heroes model how suffering can lead to greater compassion, endurance, and wisdom. I mean, this all over scripture, how Jesus went to the cross, not just to go to the cross, to die for our sins. Although that's step one, that was the entry doorway. He did do that. He took away our sins.

He modeled what it looks like to carry the cross so that we would know how to carry our cross. He says in Matthew 16:24, if you want to be my disciple, shoulder your own cross and follow me. In other words, it's going to take some blood, sweat, and tears, guys. It's going to. Number seven, Rebuild Re.

Ooh, that was Southern Rebuild. Real Southern rebuild. Real community. Small, messy, faithful groups. Hallelujah.

Family, church, friends who sharpen one another. Face to face, heart to heart, human to human. In no way a screen can fake. That's Right. You cannot duplicate.

I'm thankful for technology, but you guys all watch that 90s to today clip. I'm like, man, I want to go back to the 90s, man, where there wasn't instantaneous everything. And you actually had to think for a second. Sure, it was inconvenience, but have we actually gotten off course now to where we are so able to do things so quickly, we've forgotten how to do anything? We have forgotten.

Number eight. You got to guard what is sacred and pursue the wisdom of God, not the wisdom of TikTok. Hand down the old songs, the old prayers, the wisdom not as dusty relics, but as living fires. Give them anchors when the world tries to sweep them away. We have to give them something like the word of God, which stands the faithful test of time day in and day out.

We have got to give them real truth, train them to forgive and not to feed bitterness. Bitterness makes you weak. Forgiveness makes you free. Hallelujah. The next generation needs to learn that mercy is not weakness.

It's strength under control. I mean, come on, there's a scripture here. Luke 6, 37, 38. Do not judge others and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you.

Forgive others and you will be forgiven. Give and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full, pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back. How much are we giving to our kids and grandkids right now of our time?

How much effort are we putting into their actual upbringing? What are we doing to steward them? When's the last time you sat down and read a book to your grandkid? When's the last time you actually sat down and had a conversation with your child? When was the last time we actually took a second and said, tell me about what really happened in your heart today.

Fifth grader. And it may sound like this. It was a good day. Okay? That's about how it goes in my house.

I have to pry for more, but I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna keep trying, because what if I don't do that? Guess who's gonna keep trying? YouTube. TikTok.

That's who's gonna keep trying. Someone's gonna raise your kids and grandkids. It might as well be you. Let's do it the God's way. Number 10.

You gotta keep hope burning. No matter how dark it gets, remind them there is light in Jesus. The darkness cannot overcome it Their lives are not accidents. Their battles are not meaningless. They are not alone.

Isaiah 40. The Lord is an everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.

Even youths will become weak and tired. Young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar on the wings like eagles. And they will run and not grow weary.

They will walk and not faint. I want to finish the race of parenting and grandparenting the right way. You started something. Let's finish it. We have to get this generation back.

Because my friends and fathers, especially in the room, hear me when I say this. I need you to take your place in the submission to the Holy Spirit. It's gotta start with you men. We are leaders because God designed it that way. But we have abdicated that responsibility.

Please hear me when I say this in love. Let's not ruin the education. Let's not be bad students. Let's be those who receive and those who are willing to apply because God cares about it. So in short, you fight hollowing out by filling them with truth, love, courage, beauty and purpose.

Slow and deep. Like planting a forest that fires of culture cannot destroy. They can't destroy it because the word of God is eternal. I want. We want you to know if you are in this room and you've never been to anything young families related, we want to invite you.

We do teaching nights. We do fellowship nights. You saw our mission statement earlier today. Our goal is to have biblical instruction, practical guidance. Because we understand you changed a diaper at 2am and it wasn't great.

I get it. I understand that you keep wet that bed for the 40th time this week. I get it. I also know that you keep puked under shoes. I get that too.

We do. But I also know this. If we are doing something for the kingdom of heaven that is eternal, two things last forever. God and the people God made. So let's invest in those two things.

Let's build the kingdom right? Get in the game. We cannot be on the sidelines anymore. I love you enough as one of the most blessed guys in the world, being married to this woman right here, I love enough to tell you that there is so much at stake with our kids and grandkids. So before we close, do you guys have any last thoughts you wanted to add in as far as thoughts about parenting before we close this night out?

No.

Okay. Well, we're going to close. And here's how we're going to close. We're going to speak life over your families. We're going to pray over your family.

And we are going to close with a blessing that we speak, that I pray over all the young families at every teaching night. We do. I speak a blessing because there's a power in that. There's power. When spoken, blessing is pronounced over the people.

God said to do it, so we do. So if you would, let's bow our heads. Father, I thank you so much that you love us. You didn't have to. You didn't have to go and get us back.

You didn't have to put on flesh to do what you did. You chose to do it. To lay down your life, to bleed, to die, to be buried and to rise from the grave so that your crown of creation, which you've chosen to make in your image, could be redeemed. No other creature, no other angel, no other being has ever been paid for the way that you paid for us with your blood. We're the only creatures that were redeemed in all of human history and all of history of eons past.

You saw it fit God to redeem us. So we just say as a collective group, thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus, that you have blessed us with children, you've blessed us with grandchildren. Father, I pray for every young mom and every young dad in this room. Married, unmarried, every grandparent, those who are single moms and single dads who are just trying to figure it out.

Lord, in Jesus name, I speak life over you. Life over your family, life over your dreams, life over your future. The Lord knows the plans. He has the plans. He's got them all sketched out since the beginning of time.

So, Father, I speak life over these families over those who will listen to this recording some other future time down the road and say, I'm just grasping at straws. God, give me a design, Give me something, some kind of understanding. Father, thank you for your revealed word. You speak to us in it. And tonight, Lord, I speak a blessing over those in this room.

And I say this. The Lord sees you and he remembers you. May he equip every mother and every father with understanding. And may he guide and honor those who fear the Lord, both young and old, great and small. May the Lord richly bless both you and your children and your grandchildren.

May the name of Jesus be written upon your hearts and may he be glorified in your homes. In the name of Jesus, I pray. Amen. Amen. And Amen.

Thank you, Lord. So thank you for coming tonight. Next week I think we have a slide. Yes. Part two.

But wait, there's more. What if your kid's already addicted to a screen? What do you do? We're going to talk about it next week. What about blended families, blended grandparents?

What about dynamics that don't make sense? How do you make sense of it? What about sex? What about LGBTQ culture? What do you do about the onslaught?

Part two, we're going to have the Browns and the Keanu's who are also wonderful leaders in this ministry and also have like a million kids between the two of them. They are going to come and share with us some of their understanding. We're going to talk about some hard topics next week. But you saw in 35 years, from the 90s ish to today, how technology's done such a. It's done a number on all of society.

So how do we slow things down and be intentional about it? How do you make it possible? Well, we've got some ideas about that. So I want to encourage you. Tell your friends, tell your family, bring grandparents, bring anybody who will come, anybody that's got a pulse.

I want you to bring them in this building next week, next Wednesday night. Thank you so much to Josh and Candice for sharing tonight, teaching us. We're so blessed by you guys. And we will see you, you guys, next Wednesday. We will.

And by the way, there is an email address. There you go. If you have a question, a testimony or a story about how God's delivered your family from something, tell us about it. Youngfamilies at the Refuge Net goes right to our inbox. We'd love to know about it.

We love you guys. Thank you for coming tonight. Be blessed.