From The Inside Out

So this is our Mother's Day week. This is the week that we try to celebrate not just moms, but women. And that's really how we do things here at the Refuge. Because we believe inside of every woman, young or older, those that are before the age of being able to have kids, to those that are past the age of having kids, there is a maternal mothering thing that represents the heart of God. And so it's our heart to champion all women.

Sunday will be no different. We know that Mother's Day can be a painful day for a lot of ladies, and there will be some that don't come because of that. But if this is your church, invite people to be here. We have special things planned. We're going to have a flower bar for all the moms.

I think it's going to be really special. And I've been talking and praying with Pastor Jay about the message and he has a word that is going to release women on Sunday. Please be here. It's going to be incredible. So a couple things I want to say up front that I mentioned last month, which we don't normally have, awakens at night like this, back to back, it's just kind of the way things fell.

But last month I mentioned that I'm speaking to my own soul in this season whenever I preach more than ever before. And that's not because I want to make it about me. That's because it feels inauthentic for me to do it any other way. And I try to talk myself out of kind of opening up my heart and being vulnerable every time, but it just wouldn't be real to where I am. I believe it's what he has.

I don't want to do it, but he's worthy. And so I'm just gonna ask you, not because of me, but just open your hearts. Just he allows us to partner with him. And that is really mind boggling. I know who I am.

I know why I shouldn't, why I should be disqualified from standing before you. But in his mercy he uses broken and foolish things. And I'm so grateful. I also read out of Psalm 103 last month, the Passion translation. But I'm going to read it again at the beginning of this message because the idea, the theme for the night comes out of this passage.

With my whole heart, with my whole life, and with my innermost being, I bow in wonder and love before you, the Holy God. I love this next phrase. Yahweh, you are my soul's celebration. How could I Ever forget the miracles of kindness you've done for me. You kissed my heart with forgiveness in spite of all I've done.

You've healed me inside and out from every disease. You've rescued me from hell and saved my life. You've crowned me with love and mercy. You satisfy my every desire with good things. You've supercharged my life so that I soar again.

That's a big deal. I soar again like an eagle flying in the sky. The title of the message tonight is from the Inside Out. We're gonna look at two stories in the Book of Mark. It's actually a story within a story.

The way the Bible lays it out and actually the way it happened. It starts with a story. It's interrupted by something that happened in the middle of the first story, and then it concludes at the end of the chapter. I'm going to start with the first part of the story in Mark 5. The Lord has big plans tonight, ladies.

I'm not saying that to work you up. I'm saying that because I know it. And I have my phone in my back pocket so that my steps can be counted. Mary, I want you to know that when Jesus had crossed again over by boat to the other side of the lake, a large crowd gathered around him while he was by the lake. Then one of the synagogue leaders named Jairus came, and when he saw Jesus, he fell at his feet.

He pleaded earnestly with him, my little daughter is dying. I cannot imagine, although I had a taste of it in 2022, my little daughter is dying. Please come and put your hands on her so that she will be healed and live. So Jesus went with him. Let's hit the pause button because it's going to move into the next story in just a moment.

Jairus was a synagogue ruler. He was a man of great influence. He was known in the region. And it was actually extremely unusual in that time for. For a synagogue ruler to acknowledge the authority of the rabbi, the teacher, Jesus, because his teachings were extremely radical.

Certain situations will make your position not matter.

Unexpected, unthinkable circumstances lead you to places you never thought you'd be. Come on, ladies. Can anyone relate? For Jairus, he ended up in an awesome place at the feet of Jesus, a radical teacher, but one that had great controversy around him. But Jairus let go of his position and what was appropriate as a synagogue ruler because he was desperately advocating for his daughter.

He was in a position of desperation. And I want you to hear me tonight. Jesus responds to desperation. We went through a season I don't know. Twenty years ago, we always used to say everything was two years ago.

Now everything's 20 years ago. That's what happens as you get older. But we were crying out for revival, and the theme of all my messages were super similar. So sometimes I would quiz those that were in a lot of settings with me, like Pastor Mel and Pastor Steph, and I'd say, what did I even preach on? And Pastor Steph would always take a stab in the dark.

Desperation, because that was usually what it was about. Jesus responds to desperation. I'm going to give you six takeaways. I don't know why God keeps giving me six. I don't love that number, but it's what he gave me.

First takeaway. True desperation abandons status and titles.

If you've heard me preach more than in recent months, you've heard me tell the story of five years ago when I was in a prayer meeting right here in this auditorium, and Pastor Steph came over to me and was praying over me with her poke. And at the end of her prayer, she said, terri, he's making you the woman you always wanted to be but never dreamed possible. And I knew something inside of me knew that was the longing of my heart. But I had no idea what it would cost. I had no idea what the next five years would look like.

I had no idea what would be stripped away. I want you to hear me. I had no idea how painful public ministry would become. I had no idea.

But the Lord knew. And sometimes we pray things because the Lord places the desire within us and we don't know what it will take. And that's the mercy of God.

I have apprehended his mercy and his kindness more over the last two years than in my entire 53 years of living.

So I'm going to talk a little bit out of my life. I was arguing with God today because my life right now is just pain.

Actually, I'm going to hit the pause here, Amber. I, like, heard the Lord say this during worship, and then I forgot. He loves your worship and he sees all the pain. And we know each other, but I don't know what he's talking about. But the way you worship him through it, he loves it so much and it ministered to me tonight.

So thank you. That's what God does.

So I mentioned in 2022, and I'm going to talk about that more in a minute. Amelia faced a medical crisis. Many of you fasted and prayed and stood with us during that time. And it was More than what I can describe. Even those that are closest to me, they saw a lot of what she walked through, but no one knows the depths of what she experienced.

What we experienced. Those 30 dark days in the hospital spread out over three hospital stays, and then the times of just uninterrupted sickness and struggle without relief, couldn't sleep. It was a day in, day out thing, and I never saw it coming. And I've never known a darker, more intense struggle in my life. And then at the end of 2022, a more emotional bomb goes off in our house, and our family unit was decimated.

And Amelia's living out, finding the Lord in the midst of the wreckage with choices her dad made and things I've lived out in marriage. And I tell you all that because at our staff chapel a week ago, I was in worship, and Pastor Mel came over and prayed for me because she knew I was facing some personal meetings the next day specifically related to my marriage, the ending of my marriage, legal things that are taking place, and all of that is overwhelming and painful and hard to navigate. But Pastor Mel came over and prayed for me. And the repeated theme in her prayer was that the Lord would help me to move with the lamb.

I don't know if you remember, Pastor Mel, why that was such a jarring prayer.

Do you know? It was jarring. It was straight from heaven, but it was jarring. So Moving with the Lamb is a song that was written by a South African young man and on the Winds of Worship, the Vineyard Winds of Worship series. Is anyone familiar?

It's like OG back in the day. Winds of Worship, South Africa. He sang that song, and I was struck by it. Moving with the Lamb. I'm surrounded.

He repeats that over and over. Well, that's actually the song I walked down the aisle to at my wedding with stringed instruments and a harpist. Now I'm facing what I never thought would be my life, and my pastor's declaring over me, moving with the lamb. And all I can picture is myself in that wedding dress. I look way better now.

Way, way, way better. Now, that's a joke. But walking down the aisle towards my bridegroom to that song, yet that's still the anthem under over my life. And as she was praying it, the Lord's like, right? Because you're moving with the lamb and you're walking towards your bridegroom King.

Listen. True desperation abandons every title, whether that's one of stature and influence or it's a title, a role in life as a wife or A mom, true desperation, abandon, abandons all of those things.

Talking about Pastor Steph and Pastor Mel, I was thinking about them today and just thanking God for them. And I felt to honor you both on this Mother's Day. And you guys can help me. It's not on Mother's Day. It's the Thursday before Mother's Day.

Why are you talking to Summer about it? She didn't pick it out. Is that what you were asking?

But I really felt like that I wanted to honor you both. Not just as friends, but just the women you are. Pastor Steph hosted a brunch Monday for MMP Mother Monday Morning Prayer. Is that right? Okay.

And she sent Pastor Mel and I videos of just women interacting them worshiping together. It was beautiful. And we were both thanking Pastor Steph for sending those to us. But I said to her, thank you for leading a movement. And you have for a lot of years.

A lot of years. And Pastor Mel, I don't even know what to say about you, but the shade of your tree has kept me from dying of thirst. So I love you both. Here you go. The light one is for Pastor Mel.

The dark one, the hot pink is for Pastor Steph. Yep.

Me. Oh, okay. You're welcome.

So we get through this story of this influential man that's in a desperate circumstance and he needs Jesus. Oh, there are so many in this room that have walked with me and have been such amazing friends and comfort. And you know who you are. Thank you for just your yes before the Lord. So the story of Jairus and his daughter is interrupted by the story within the story.

It's a familiar one. It's the woman with the issue of blood. But let's keep reading. Mark 5, verses 25 through 36. I do have six takeaways, but they will go quick.

I want to make sure we have time for ministry. At the end, a large crowd followed and pressed around him, speaking of Jesus. And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for 12 years. She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had. Yet instead of getting better, she grew worse.

When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, because she thought, if I just touch his clothes, I will be healed. Immediately her bleeding stopped, and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering. At once, Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, who touched my clothes? You see the people crowding against you.

The disciples answered and yet you can ask, who touched me? But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. He said to her, daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.

While Jesus was still speaking, some people came from the house of Jairus, the synagogue leader. Your daughter is dead. They said, why bother the teacher anymore? Overhearing what they said, Jesus told him, don't be afraid. Just believe.

So this passage is talking about the woman with the issue of blood. And this account is found in Matthew, Mark, and Luke. Obviously, we're looking at Mark's account. Each of those three gospel writers give us details that maybe the others don't. But we know from all three counts that Jairus is identified by his significance.

He's known throughout the reach, the region, so he's identified by his significance. But the woman is identified by her issue, and her issue's been a real hindrance to her. We're going to talk about that. But that brings me to takeaway number two. Your issue is not your identity.

I'm speaking this over my own soul. Your issue is not your identity. In 2022, when I would bring Amelia to multiple doctors a week, and she was so skinny and unable to walk on her own. So I either wheeled her in or really, for all intents and purposes, I would carry her in, and I would see people look at her and whisper and try to figure out what was wrong with her. And I would want to scream at them, you don't even know her.

But they were identifying her by her issue. But our issue. Your issue. My issue is not your identity. Early in his public career, right after Jesus called the disciples, he went around the countryside ministering.

He performed all manner of miracles. Word of the miracles spread, and vast numbers like hundreds and thousands of people would come from all over to see for themselves, some hoping for a touch, some just wanting to see. And here's this woman with a chronic illness.

If you read Luke's gospel, he's a little more accusatory of the woman, where Mark is a little more accusatory of the doctors. It makes sense. Luke was a doctor by profession, but for 12 years, she carried this illness, and she was in the press of the crowd. She was seeing this man that she heard had touched others. But she also knew that other healers, other doctors, didn't make her better.

They made her worse. So she's in that press 12 years with this blood condition. And her issue of blood could have been. There's all kinds of thoughts about where the blood issue came from. We know she was hemorrhaging on the inside.

Some of you are bleeding on the inside. Her issue of blood could have been from trauma. It could have been from violation, abuse, could have come from childbirth that didn't go correctly, or miscarriages, hormonal imbalance, any number of reasons. But in that day, a woman who was internally bleeding, having her monthly cycle when she was menstruating, had certain rules she had to follow. Levitical law, According to Leviticus 12 and Leviticus 15 said that it was unlawful for a woman to touch anybody or anything she was unclean during this period of the month.

But this woman did not stop bleeding for 12 years. So according to law, she had no business being in the crowd, much less actually touching Jesus. Therefore, takeaway number three, healing. And I'm talking about from the inside out. So healing or wholeness requires movement based on his identity, not our own.

That's what this woman had to do. She knew what the law said, but she also knew that she wasn't getting help other places. And if she wasn't going to be identified by her issue any longer, she had to move towards his identity, not her own. I'm telling you, I have opportunities many weeks on the daily to either choose the identity that I hear in my head or that people have spoken over me, or to move towards his identity and what he says. Verse 27 again of Mark 5.

When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched, not supposed to touch anything, touched his cloak. Then skipping to verse 29, immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was free from suffering. She was freed from suffering. And I have a question for you. When did the healing begin?

I'm going to leave it rhetorical because I'm sure it feels like a trick question. It kind of is. When did her healing begin? Well, I shared verse 27, I shared verse 29, but I believe verse 28 has the answer. So I'm going to read verses 27 and 28.

Is that confusing? It was just for build up climax. You're welcome.

When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak. Here's the key phrase. Because she thought, if I just touch his clothes, I'll be healed. When did the healing begin? When she had a thought.

Takeaway number four, healing and wholeness. Oh, I feel the Holy Ghost. I might get. I think I'm getting Sozo right now. Susan and Gracie, you putting your mojo on me?

I've been trying to put that mojo on Amber. She, you know. All right. Number four, healing, or wholeness, begins with a thought.

You can stop your issue with a thought. She didn't get healed from the thought. She got healed when she touched. But she touched because she thought. It starts with a thought.

When I think about the Lord, how He saved me. I'm going old school. How he raised me, how he filled me with the Holy Ghost, how He healed me to the uttermost. When I think about the Lord, how He picked me up and turned me around, how he placed my feet on solid ground. It makes me want to shout hallelujah.

Thank you, Jesus. Lord, you're worthy of all of the glory and all of the honor and all of the praise. And it starts with a thought. That's how this is kind of part two to the sound mind. Message.

2 Corinthians 10, 4, 5. We use God's mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning. Those conversations we have in our head are second guessing everything we say after we've been in a crowd.

We knock down strongholds of human reasoning and destroy false arguments. We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God.

I'm going to make a statement. I believe something's going to be broken off of you if you grab hold of it. The gates of hell will not prevail against one thought about God.

This woman's bleeding started on the inside, but so did her healing because she sought. Maybe she had a thousand thoughts going through her head. That's how it works for me. She sees Jesus. She wants him.

She needs him. But the noise of all the thoughts. I've been sick for 12 years. Doctors were supposed to help me. They didn't help me.

I became worse. How do I know if Jesus, this man, this radical teacher, is any different? And the crowd? Forget the crowd. I've been judged.

I've been ostracized. I've been determined. A burden. I'm no one.

I bet she had a bunch of thoughts. But here's the key. The one she acted on was the one that mattered. I bet if I just. She thought.

Because she thought if. I bet if I just touch his garment. But levitical law, Leviticus 13, Leviticus 15. But she thought. And because she thought, she touched.

And because she touched, the bleeding stopped. And some of you need the bleeding to stop tonight. Verses 30 through 33.

This is better than you sound. All right. Verses 30 through 33. That just gives me a little break when I get cocky. It's not really what I feel in my heart.

Maybe it is. I don't know. At once, Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. Now I want you to lean in and let this breathe for a moment. We're almost done, and we're going to pray, and he's going to heal people from the inside out.

And you're not gonna slip out like you usually do because you're afraid of being disappointed. You're gonna keep stepping. Because we move based on his identity, not ours. He wants to touch you. He wants to touch you.

He wants to touch you. I don't even know where I am, but it's really good. Oh. At once, Jesus realized the power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, who touched my clothes?

And you see people crowding all against you. His disciples answered, and yet you can ask, who touched me? But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. I love it. He didn't even hear the chatter of the disciples.

Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. Trembling with fear. She was afraid. She didn't know what was going to happen to her. She had no business touching him.

She had never had the bleed. She hadn't had this bleeding stop ever in the 12 years that she had it. And through a thought, she allows that to turn into a touch. She touches him and she feels a change, and she's happy to just slip away. Jesus felt the power leave him, and she felt a change.

And she was happy to slip away. But he wouldn't let her slip away. And he asked, who touched me? And even though she was trembling because of the undeniable touch in her body, she fell at his feet. She was trembling with fear.

She was convinced she was in trouble. But she told him the whole truth. Number five. Healing and wholeness requires the whole truth. This part's not fun, especially when you've lived out betrayal and pain.

I'm not trying to make it about my circumstances. Whatever your circumstances are, everything in my flesh only wants to hold on to my reality and perspective. That doesn't bring healing. We bring it all to him. Instead of me just saying, lord, let the arrows, let my enemies, let those shooting darts at me, fall to my left and fall to my right.

And I do pray those prayers. There are times I can feel it shows up in my dreams. It's like I hear words that people Are saying, and I am so qu Quick to join in that sound. I've used this illustration before, but you know, like when you're in a shopping mall and they're playing an old song that you used to love. For me, it's any Chicago song.

Does anyone know what time it is? Does anyone really care?

Right. Like I'm singing it the rest of the day. The enemy starts the first note and then we sing it the rest of the day.

The reality is we have to say, lord, I am going to stand against the darts of the enemy. But I also want to give you my fears.

Lord, I can't believe I'm a 53 year old woman with the title Divorcee. I give it to you. I give it to you. I'm giving you the whole truth. I want to quit so bad.

I don't want to talk about this stuff standing on the platform. I give it to you. That's the whole truth. Because you guys don't want to see just the mighty woman of anointing and power saying, it's all going to be all right. Oh, it is.

But my flesh tries to accuse me otherwise. And I'm going to tell the whole truth. Lord, I regret those choices. Maybe those things could have been different. But I don't let the cycle define my movement.

I give it to him. I tell the whole truth. I give it to you in trembling. Oh God, I fall at your feet. Here's the whole truth.

I don't mean every day. I don't even mean every week. But it's my goal. The woman knew the law. She knew where she fit into the law.

She couldn't touch that man. She was looking at Jesus through the lens of the law. And that's not what he wants. We're supposed to look at the law through the lens of Jesus. The law is the law and it's there for freedom.

But we see it. We look at his kind eyes and we just say, God, I don't want to follow the law or follow your ways because I'm afraid of hell. I want to be addicted to the kindness in those eyes and know you.

But even despite her view, her lens, she told the whole truth. Even when she thought she was in trouble. Some of you, tonight's the night. Tell the whole truth. Jesus told another woman in John 4 that had a horrendous past.

Actually, she had had multiple husbands. It's crazy how you gravitate to these passages anyway. That's a whole other story. You can't believe you find yourself in them. But she had had multiple husbands.

She was living with a man that wasn't her husband. She did want to worship God. We know this because when she meets Jesus at the well, the only thing she asks him after she finds out he's a prophet, because he knew everything about her. She asked, where do I go to worship? The Samaritans say, here.

The Jews say, here. Which is it? And he said, ah, I can work with this. He said, a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth, because they're the kind of worship the Father seeks.

Sometimes it's like a bipolar roller coaster ride in worship. But he wants the truth. Lord, I want what you want, oh, God, but please don't let it be that. But when we stay in his presence and we worship him in spirit and truth, wholeness comes.

All right back to the woman with the issue of blood. Listen to what happens. In verse 34, Jesus says to her, daughter, your faith healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering. That's verse 34.

But in verse 29, we already read that she was already freed from her suffering. That's what it said. Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from suffering. So why did he call her back? He felt the power leave.

She knew she was healed. Why did he call her back? He says to her, daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering. Why did he call her back to say that to her?

Number six. Take away number six. Because healing or wholeness calls us to our true identity.

I'm going to tell you something that'll blow your mind. And I because I did a search today and I couldn't believe what I found. How many times has Jesus called a woman daughter this word, daughter? Janet's probably got her interlinear Bible up right now checking to see if this is true. I searched everything I have.

If I'm wrong, just come running up here. This is the only time in all of scripture he calls a woman by this name daughter.

He said, I'm not going to let you slip away like some beggar that had a sneak a touch.

What would you do if you knew it was true that the almighty God of the universe called you a daughter? He was on his way to heal Jairus daughter, a man of influence. And the delay actually caused her to die. People came and said, she's already gone. I don't know how Jairus handled that.

I would have a hard time with that, you interrupted him and now my daughter's gone. But Jesus knew exactly what he was doing. He was on his way to heal a daughter of a man who was a man of influence. But he stopped because there was another daughter that forgot she was a daughter.

He didn't just want to stop the bleeding.

Some of you just want that bleeding on the inside to stop. But he wanted the woman to know who she was and who she was. And that is necessary for healing to come. The worship team can come the last part of Mark 5 when they came. So they get through the crowd, the woman finds her identity and they come to the home of the synagogue leader, Jesus.

Or they came to the home of the synagogue leader, Jairus home. And Jesus saw a commotion with people crying and wailing loudly. He went in and said to them, why all this commotion and wailing? The child is not dead, but asleep. But they laughed at him, which is bizarre to me.

And I get that they think what he's saying is ludicrous. But laughing is human nature. Don't you love it? After he put them all out, he took the child's father and mother and the disciples who were there with him and went in where the child was. He took her by the hand and said to her, talitha kum, which means little girl, I say to you, get up immediately.

The girl stood up and began to walk around. She was 12 years old. this they were completely astonished. I haven't really unpacked this all in my study, but I felt even in my study, but I felt really stirred. Jesus goes to this 12 year old girl, calls her a little lamb and tells her to get up.

She had suffered some things and she needed to get up. But the moment she was born is when the other woman's issue. Is the worship team coming? Yes. No.

Maybe they're still shoving chicken nuggets in back there.

Worship team, I'm getting in trouble from Pastor Mel. I gave you a present.

The moment she was born, the woman's bleeding stops and Jesus heals. Both kind of in the same events. He loves women and he loves restoring the identity. Daughters, you could be here and you could be a person of influence and you need his touch. People in your family need his touch.

Or you may be someone that no one even knows your name. All the gospel, all three of the gospel writers, this story isn't in John's Gospel, but in the Synoptic gospels. All of them talk about her and none of them know her name. This bothers the Catholics so much that they created a. Emma, you want to text them? Did they leave?

Oh, sorry, Danielle. I'm talking all kinds of junk.

The Catholic Church, they have. Have you heard of, like, Veronica's veil? Is this familiar to anyone? They say that the woman's name was Veronica because it bothered them so much that her. That she wasn't identified.

Listen, when we get to heaven and we find all these people that we've read about and we've received bread from as we read the word, we're not going to bump into this lady and say, oh, the woman with the issue of blood. Now she's going to say, I'm the one he called daughter. I'm the only one he called by that name. And she's the only one with that name. Her name's not Veronica.

She carries the title that Jesus gave her. And he wants to meet you that way, young or older. He wants to touch you, specifically those of you that are bleeding on the inside. And it starts with a thought.