Mother's Day at The Refuge

Amen. We have a special, very special day planned for you this morning. In addition to honoring moms, we really wanted the focus of today to be more about what it means to be a godly woman. We want to draw from the wisdom of some of the women of this house that represent all generations. And I'm going to just ask them some questions.

We're just going to have a conversation together. But I want you to get ready for a really special treat and an impartation of wisdom and life and experience of what it means to be a godly mom in a very challenging time. I want you to welcome our panel this morning, Susan and Amber and Candace, as they come to join me on the platform. Would you welcome them?

Amen. Good morning. Good morning. Praise the Lord.

So great to have you all. Thank you for being a part of this and for allowing me to just sit down, have a conversation with you to talk about what it means to be a godly woman. And, of course, all of you have children, so we can talk about what it means to be a godly mom as well. And I've got some questions I'm going to ask then. But before we do, we'll start with you, Ms. Susan.

I want you to just share a little bit about your life. How long have you been married? How many children do you have or grandkids or whatever that looks like, and maybe even how long you've been a part of the Refuge. We'll go with you. Okay.

Thank you. I am privileged to be a part of the basement group that started with the Refuge and grow with it, and it's been amazing. I have been married for 63 years to. Isn't that incredible? To Wayne Trexler, and he's here today.

Many of you have prayed for him with some physical challenges, and he's a miracle man. And we thank the Lord that He's given us three children. We have 12 grandchildren and 12 great grandchildren.

I'm not sure, but I think we might be the oldest people here at each church. It's amazing. Wayne and Susan were in the basement 22 years ago when we first started the Refuge. They've been faithful people here in this house. And I'll tell you, man, Wayne Trexler could probably outwork any person in this auditorium still to this day.

He's a machine. He's incredible, and he is a miracle. And there are very few women on the planet that I have more love or more respect for than this woman, Susan Drexler. And I'm so thankful for you, Susan So grateful for you. Amen.

Candace? Hi, I'm Candice Benton. My husband Josh and I have been married for almost 16 years. We have three children, Davey, Cole, and Everly. And we've been in the refuge for a little over five years now, I believe.

Yeah. That's so awesome. Amber. Hi. My husband Caleb and I have been married 27 years, but we're only 21, so I don't know how that happens.

We have three children, and we've been a part of the refuge for six years now. We came in 2020. And all of your kids are in their 20s now, right? They are in their 20s, yes. That ages me a little bit.

But they're all in the 20s, so it's great because these ladies represent different generations, and they've each had different experiences in life and in their relationship with the Lord. And I want to ask some questions that will maybe hopefully draw out some of the wisdom and some of the experiences that they've had in life. And the first question I want to ask is, and Amber, I think we'll start with you, is which lady in the Bible would you say that you relate to the most? Or maybe that's one of your favorite biblical characters, not necessarily because of her triumphs, but maybe more because of her struggles and what she's had to overcome. Yes.

So Rebekah is the one that I relate to the most. She is wife of Isaac and mother of Jacob and Esau. You remember her. And she did some deceptive things. That's not what I want to relate to today.

But we often forget this part of their story. God gave Rebecca the promise years before she ever saw it. So God told her that there were twins, there would be a struggle in her womb, and that the younger would serve the older. He told her that, and she watched the boys grow. And some of the traditions of the oldest child gets this and that.

So I relate to having God tell me something, have a promise that he's given me and having to wait for that thing and not get in the way and try to make it happen. Sometimes I try to make things. God needs me. Yeah, just a little. The Lord just needs your help a little bit.

Not a lot, just a little. Sure. I can relate to that. Candice, what about you? Yes.

So as much as I would love to say that I'm a Mary, I struggle with being a Martha because I, too, want to do all the things and want everything to be great. And I relate to her so much because I think if I was having an event at my House. And if Jesus was going to be there, everything would have to be perfect. And I would probably be running around like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to get everything done. And I, too, would yell at my sister and say, hey, stop being lazy.

Come help me. Like, we have to get this done. So I feel her. I feel for a girl. Reverend, that's awesome.

Susan, what about you? Who do you relate to most in the Bible? Okay. Well, I don't think I started out this way, but I do identify with Mary now at this stage of my life, just because, Susan, so many things that the Lord has brought me through that I find myself at his feet and just so grateful. If there's anything else, you know, when.

When all of life is. Is at the end, there's nothing that really matters but your relationship with Jesus. Yeah. Yeah. And so I just love being there and worshiping him.

And I think it would be safe to say that the Lord desires that we have some of both, some Martha and some Mary in us because we are called to serve, and we are called to just sit at his feet. Right. Well, that's beautiful. I want to ask about your. Just your personal devotional life, because I know we're all busy, and I know you ladies lead busy lives, especially when you have children, when you have grandkids.

So what does your quiet time with the Lord look like? How have you prioritized that? And it's kind of a twofold question. When you're in those seasons of life where you feel spiritually dry and like your prayers are not going past the ceiling, how have you made it through those times? And we'll start with you, Ms. Susan.

So my time with the Lord has grown. Grown over the years, and so to the present day. My personality, the way I made, is very kind of spontaneous and just a freelancer. And I love to just grab those nuggets, those little bites of the Lord and just meditate on it and think about it. And when I have my time with the Lord, I'll just like, what are you serving me today?

And just eat on that. But then there are the times when it's dry. We all. I guess we all have those times. And that's when the Lord turns the other switch on and said, no, now's the time for discipline.

Just get the word and read what's supposed to be there for the day and meditate on and just let that word just sink deep into you. And so I think he is teaching a balance to that. That's awesome, Amber. We'll go to you next. How do you, what's your private quiet time with the Lord look like?

How have you survived some of those wilderness seasons of life? My time with the Lord, which I call Jesus time, is very routine. I have a particular spot on my couch. I have a particular blanket. I have my ember mug with good coffee.

I have my bible, I have my journal. I have all the things, the little pack with pens, I have all that. And so I take that time very seriously. And it starts my day and it is life giving to me. It really helps me face the world.

And you don't want to see me without Jesus or without coffee. Those are the two things you want to make sure I have in the morning. And they're very precious to me. And even when my kids were growing up and they're young, I had to get up before they came, before they got up. Sometimes I remember like 4:30, there was a short season, praise Jesus, it was short that I had to get up at 4:30 to get up before they got up to spend time with him.

And so because I am so routine in the dry seasons, I have to change, change it up. Because I think in my routine sometimes there's an expectation that God's going to say this or do this and it's going to be in this way and at this time. But when I choose to change it up and really surround myself even more, try to position myself to hear from him the music that I listen to. Spare moments. Sometimes as a mom you might be past the stage, Candace, but like sometimes in the restroom is all you get and you have to like reset and try to listen intently and reconnect with him them throughout the day.

So good. Yeah. Candice, how about you? Yeah. So I have a very busy life right now.

I homeschool our kids. I'm a stay at home mom. So we are together 24 7, which is beautiful. But it also limits any, any quiet time that I have, personal time that's out the window. So my quiet time with the Lord looks like as soon as I wake up in the morning, before my feet even hit the floor.

Because if I'm honest with you, if I go into the kitchen and make a cup of coffee, I'll wake up the dogs and then they'll want to go out and they'll want breakfast and then they'll wake the kids up and then my morning's gone. So before I even get up, I turn on my lamp and I read out of my Bible. I have a set number of a Minimum of chapters that I'll read every morning. And if time allows, then I'll journal and I'll write prayers for my children and my husband. And also just throughout the day of just trying to be in communion with him constantly, whether I'm washing dishes and I'm praying or I'm folding laundry, I'm praying, I'm driving, it's constantly seeking his face every day and in those dry seasons, because I have been disciplined to do this every morning, it's become a routine for me.

So even when I wake up and maybe I don't feel like it, maybe I'm really tired, I still do it. And I may not remember exactly what I read that morning because I might be too tired. But you know what? My conscious mind brain doesn't remember it, but my soul remembers it. And that's what's beautiful about the Lord.

He makes up for our weaknesses. Yeah. Yeah. So good. We'll move on to the next question because we all know that the cultural battles that we face and fight nowadays can be very challenging to remain true to your convictions as a follower of Christ and as a believer.

So I want to talk about that for a moment before we do. We know that a lot of people are struggling nowadays. We know the influence of media. We know the influence of social media. Statistics have shown, research has shown 25% of all women in America deal with depression on a daily basis.

25%. We also know, according to research, 51% of ladies in America consume alcohol on a pretty consistent basis. And those are just a few things. But there's many other cultural influences that are negatively impacting the lives of so many people. So I really want to ask you, how do you stay true to your convictions in the midst of so much that's changing culturally that's influencing the church?

And Candice, we'll start with you. So luckily, I don't struggle with this too much. The reason being I said, I'm a stay at home mom. I homeschool my kids. I love the church, My social club are my children.

And the beautiful women from the refuge that I have surrounded myself with shout out to Monday morning prayer and all of the refuge women that are godly women that run beside me. And so it's so beautiful. Professionally, I work for our business from home, so I don't have the pressures of corporate world. Thankfully, I've created a bubble and I love my bubble, y'. All.

I'm not on social media, so I don't have that. However, raising children in today's Culture is proving to be very difficult. I am trying to teach my children that it is black and white. There's no gray. What I mean by that is just because your friends on the baseball team like this specific song, it may not have bad words in it, but what is the intent behind the song?

What are they really saying? Is that glorifying to Jesus? If it's not, we don't need to listen to it just because of some clothing that's on trend. Do my girls need to wear that? No, they do not.

Because it is not glorifying to Jesus. Their body is their temple. It should be covered. So we're not going to participate in those things. So being a filter for my children and standing in front of them in this day and age to filter out what is coming to them and is definitely becoming challenging.

So good. Yeah. Amber, we'll go back to you. How about you? Yeah.

I think in this season of my life, my personal convictions and staying true to just away from what culture is teaching us is easier. It honestly is. I am a very relational person. So with things like this, I try my best to impact those around me. So what are they believing?

What are they thinking? So as I'm relating to people, I'm often, as they're talking to me, I'm praying, asking the Lord, what's my role here? You know, is there a truth of your word that you want me to share with them? Is there something about what they believe in culture, that this is the moment, this is the moment that I can make an impact on what they believe. And so I feel like relying on the Holy Spirit to take advantage of those moments as they come.

And I'm not. I can be confrontational, but I'm not combative. And so when the conversation gets combative, I would say that's when I pull back. Because I feel like the Jesus I want people to see in me is the love relational Jesus. That's who I know, that's who's loved me, transformed my life, and there is truth that needs to be stated.

But for me and the way I'm wired, when it gets combative, I'm going to say, let's come back to this conversation another time. And I believe God will give me opportunity to address it and challenge the truth that they believe with the word of God. That's good. Yeah. Ms. Susan, how about you?

You've seen a lot of changes through your lifetime, I would imagine. Oh, my goodness, yes. And I will have to say, at this stage of my life, because I don't have children at home. None of and grandchildren are all other places. But I can just say, because of the Holy Spirit revealing the source behind these cultural attacks that we're having, the Holy Spirit lets me know like he does many of you at times.

This is a spiritual battle. And I'm telling you, Mama Bear rises up and see of me and I just come in the name of Jesus and combat it by the body and blood of Jesus because it makes me disturbed to see that the enemy is putting his foot in the lives of people to prevent them from their destiny and take them in another direction. So I intercede and pray in the Spirit and sing in the Spirit and worship Jesus so that all of you and your children and your future grandchildren will have ammunition to fight against the conflict. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, so good, powerful.

And honestly, I don't know how anybody can stay true to their convictions without an intimate personal relationship with the person of the Holy Spirit. Paul said, I'll walk in the Spirit, so I don't fulfill the desires of the flesh. So let's talk about, let's talk about the fruit of the Spirit for a moment. I want to ask you what trait of the fruit of the Spirit? Because it's one fruit.

It's not fruits. It's one fruit with many attributes. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self control. So which one of those nine attributes of the fruit of the spirit comes easy for you? Like it just flows out of you, but also, which one would you say is the most challenging for you?

And we'll stay with you, Ms. Susan, we'll start with you. Okay. Well, for me, it has to be joy, because if you've been to my house, it's everywhere. I have it on placards in the carport, in the front door. I have it on little sayings all throughout the rooms of my house.

Because when the Lord prompted my heart to study more about the body and blood of Jesus and the many things that that accomplishes for us over 20 years ago, it has never stopped teaching me. So joy, the joy that was set before Jesus caused him to go to the cross. And that joy was having us back and being connected with him. So that has been just. It's been a result of the root of Jesus flowing through this plant.

And I'm thankful for that along with that, the one that has been still a work in progress. And the King James Version says, in those fruits, long suffering. And so what I found is in those joyful, joyful days and lifestyle, then sometimes there comes a Very dry season where I don't feel that and it's not rolling out of me like it normally does. So that's when the Lord says, no matter what you're facing now, I'm teaching you when I pull back those emotions, I'm teaching you how to trust me, how to lean on me and not depend on how you feel, but trust my word, because it never fails. Amen.

Amen. Amen. And Susan has also written a book on joy that I actually have in my office. It's great. Candice, what about you?

Which of the traits of the fruit of the spirit do you relate to the most? Yeah. So I think love comes the easiest for me. I want to love well. I want to love big.

I want to love with my whole heart. And so I'm asking the Lord all the time to expand my capacity to love and to love others, because I want to love like Jesus. And the one that I know I struggle with, hopefully some of y' all feel the same way, is self control, because do I want to eat that third cookie? Yes, I do. Okay.

I really do.

When someone cuts me off in traffic and you know the kind where you have to slam on your brakes, your purse goes flying forward, all your stuff falls out on the floorboard, do I want to shout at them? Yes, I do. Maybe I have. But praise God for his forgiveness, because mercies are new every morning, and he is teaching me slowly to work through all those things. But honestly, self control is also self discipline.

It's dying to your flesh every day and choosing God's way over the fleshly way and what you want to do. Right? Yeah. So good. I said this in the first service, but is it bad that when she talked about self control and should I eat that third cookie?

Is it bad that your pastor was thinking, like, third? Like, I'm thinking sixth or seventh cookie? I mean, maybe I need to pray for more self control. I don't know. Amber, what about you?

I think joy comes the easiest to me. I am pretty positive. Every day is pretty cool with me. Things come my way, but I usually handle them with calmness and peace. And I love.

There's a scripture in Proverbs, Proverbs 15, verse 13. And there's a translation that talks about the happy heart. Like, if your heart is happy, it puts a smile on your face. And so I'm always praying, praying for the joy of the Lord. That's part of my routine, that God would keep joy fresh in me so that there's an authentic smile on my face.

Plastic smile? No, thank you. But an authentic joy of the Lord, happy heart. I do okay with that, but I work on it. I really do work on it.

The one that challenges me the most is patience, and that is directly connected to a strength that God put in me. And that happens sometimes. Right. So I'm a pretty responsible person, pretty organized, and so I can be impatient with people. Like, did you not get the email that I sent you?

You didn't see the note that I left for you or the text that I. You didn't see that? Okay? So when something's on my to do list, I'm getting it done. And what I'm trying to work on is being more patient in that.

Not just in some of those trivial things, but also in the way that God is working in his people. You know, there's an alignment, a partnership that I can get on board with. If I'm really tuned in to what God's doing in people, the note's not gonna matter. The email that they miss. Even if it was five times.

Pastor J. If it was five times, it's okay. God's working out something. Amen. So I'm learning to be patient.

Amen. So we're just gonna pause for just a moment.

Full disclosure here. Amber works here at the Refuge. He oversees all of our volunteers and our serve community. Community here. And she is also my personal assistant.

Patience, patience, patience. And the Lord is using all of us to help Amber develop more patience. Thank you, the Refuge. And more specifically, thank you, Pastor J. You're very welcome.

I could respond to the email the very first time that you sent it. I'm just trying to be used to the Lord to help you there. Yeah. All right, let's move on.

What's a hard lesson that God has taught you recently about your own heart or about your own life? Maybe a difficult or painful lesson or maybe one that he's tried to teach you before, but you didn't respond well, and he's circled back around to that with you. And Amber will stay with you. We'll start with you on that one. I would say pride, and that's hard to admit.

It's something I've struggled with for years. And I think as God's growing me, I have a handle on it in some areas, but not in others. Right. Wouldn't it be nice when you learn lessons from the Lord, that it just covers all. All the things, deep things in my heart, all the surface things, all the stuff.

But when I get alone with God and I'm thinking about my relationships with people and how I really just think I need to help out everybody and everything. And the intention of that, honestly, is pure. It really is. But the reality is that falls back to who? Me.

It falls back to me making it happen, me helping God out, me helping people out. And so when I can live more humbly and rely on God to do his thing, not try to be the Holy Spirit, that's a big one. Yeah, we, we blame the Holy Spirit for things that we just want to do. You know, when, when God's saying, look, I got this, and guess what? I love you, but I don't need you in this right here.

I just need you to relax. Yeah, that's good. So good. Candice, how about you? What's a hard lesson God's taught you recently?

You're stepping on my toes today. We're about to get real personal. Gosh. A hard truth that the Lord has revealed to me over about the last year is that maybe sometimes I don't always fully trust him with everything, especially when it comes to my kids, which is wild because my heart knows that God loves my children. He loves them dearly and he has a plan and a purpose for them and he has a future for them.

And his plans are so much better than mine. And he's healed my son, so why in the world would I not fully trust him with them? But my mom heart wants to hold on to some control. So he's been so patient and so kind and he's slowly teaching me how to release and give it all to Him. So good.

So good. Ms. Susan, what about you? Yes. Because my life growing up, I didn't not grow up in a Christian home. I didn't have born again parents or grandparents around me.

My road to the Lord was a little bit long and hard. And when I came to him, he was so delightful to me. And as I shared all these things that he has taught me and changed me, my problem now and the hard truth that God is continuing to get in me is because I tend to expect you to relate to God exactly the way I did. And when he gives me a truth, I don't understand why you don't get it the way I do. And so the Lord is teaching me and I've had to ask forgiveness for, you know, demanding, not intentionally meaning to hurt anybody, but when they receive it as an offense and for me to just ask forgiveness and go on.

And the Lord is teaching me how to honor and respect the way other people hear from God, not just the way I do. Wow, that's really good. So good. Last two questions. And I want to circle back to you, Candace, ahead, but go.

Because you talked about the trust issue with the Lord, but can you recall a time that the Lord answered a prayer with a no to you? And I've heard that God always answers prayer. He answers in three ways. He says yes or he says no, or sometimes he says later. But can you recall a time where the Lord said no to you?

And the old saying is hindsight is 20 20. And as you look back on that, maybe you didn't understand it in the moment, maybe it's hard to trust him because it's something you were really believing for. But maybe as you've looked back, you've recognized it was the protective hand of God on your Life. Oh, absolutely. 100%.

So when I was younger, I had a dream and a career path that I was pursuing and the Lord said no. And at the time that was very disappointing to me because it was something that I always hoped for, I always dreamed for. But like I said, his plans are better than mine. And he had a different plan for my life and one that would far be anything better than like I could ever have imagined. And so now my family is my ministry and I am blessed to be able to be at home with them and to homeschool them.

And that was his plan, not mine. Amen. Amen. Ms. Susan, what about you? Was there a time that you recall God said no, but it was.

You saw his protection over you. Well, this time was before I was even saved. You know that God enters our lives and helps us out before we even know him through Jesus. But he saved me from a wrong relationship. A male that I was dating at the end of my high school career.

And it would have been utter disaster, but I didn't have any insight or understanding. But God intervened and said no. And I'll just have to say what he did send me was a wonderful God fearing man. Come on, Wayne Trexler. It has been the greatest blessing in my life.

Amen. Praise God. Amber, what about you? Is there one that comes to mind? Yes.

The timing of the birth of our last child. We knew we wanted a third child, but when he came, we just could not see. We were moving to North Carolina. We were coming to plant a church. It was whole new culture.

We came from New York whole. Everything was new. And I did not understand like Jesus, this is not where you bring a baby like this. No, no. This is not what happens, you know, And I remember the challenge of ministry during that time there, once everything got aligned, there is no way our family could have remained healthy with a newborn.

There's no way. So by the time we were doing what we were doing in ministry at the time, I think Bryson was like 5 or 6, which is very different. The demand is different on you as husband, wife, as mom and dad when kids are older versus having a new baby. So I told God a lot of things I did at the time. But then I learned, you know, like his way is better, his way is better.

And surrendering to that, there's always, always joy. That's so good. And Isaiah said his ways are higher than our ways. And there is that trust element when we can't. The old saying is when you can't trace his hand, you trust his heart.

We always believe that his heart is for us. Last question. I want our worship team to come on out. Here's the last question. You're sitting down, you're having a face to face conversation with your 20 year old self.

What's one piece of advice that you're gonna give 20 year old Amber? We'll start with you. I'm gonna say buckle your seatbelt, girl, it's gonna be a ride. Specifically as it relates to God's faithfulness. I was 1 at 20.

I was in Bible college, newly married, really just running after the Lord. And so I wanted to learn about his faithfulness, but I wanted to do it relationally with mentors. I wanted to read about it in his Word, I wanted to read books. And I'm like, God's going to be faithful. I don't want to be surprised.

He's going to tell me all the things. But what I learned was faithfulness, true faithfulness and trust in him is learned through personal experience and trials. And in the trials I learned that man, he's a sure foundation. Yeah, he will be there. And as I'm praying and as I'm living this life and the trials come, his promise is he's with us.

His promise isn't that there won't be any trials or hardship, but we learn faithfulness as he's with us through the heart. Yes. So that's what I would tell her. Girl, get ready. You're going to learn it though, and it's going to be good.

Amen. That's so good. Yeah. Candace, what about you? You're talking to 20 year old Candice.

What are you saying to her? I would say, candace, go find the refuge. Kidding. Not kidding though. I gosh, there are so many things that I would love to have told myself back then.

But one thing that I would say is that God is so good and he has such good plans for your life. Something better than what you could have imagined. And that you cannot stop chasing after Him. Don't put anybody else up on a pedestal. Don't idolize anyone else or anything that you chased after the Lord with all your heart, Reverend.

So good. I love it. Ms. Susan 20 year old Susan Trexler. Because you were a trexler at age 20. I learned.

Yes, I was. Yes. I would look at her and I would say, you don't have to live broken. You have a healer. A healer of everything.

There's nothing in the past that can pull you down. Because God's sin is worse than you think. But God is better than you think. Oh, come on. That'll preach and just love him and learn who he is.

Because. Because he we love. Because he first loved us. Yeah. So just get to know your father.

Amen. He's better than you think.