Rooted Marriage Conference 2025

I'm so excited to welcome to this stage somebody people who we have loved for 21 years since we have been here. They are a second set of parents to Andrew and I. We are so grateful for them. Would you please welcome pastors Jay and Mel. Amen.

Good evening. Y' all look beautiful. Isn't this amazing? What a beautiful night, man. Come on.

Before we get into anything and it's about to get real. Yeah. I'm going to tell a few stories. We want to say how much we love and appreciate pastor Andrew and Sam and the great job that they're doing here and putting this together. What an event.

Thank you, guys. This is awesome. Thank you. Thank you. We're excited about this.

And, you know, I told them it's just like having casual conversation, just the four of us. Instead, we're doing it in front of the entire sanctuary. So it's going to be a fun night. Yeah. And hey, Peyton, can you bring up that monitor just a little bit more?

Thank you, sir. Yeah. If you guys can bring the Put them in the monitor, that'd be great. All right, well, tonight you out. We have something really special.

A look back at 42 years of marriage, ministry, and memories with our senior lead pastors, Jay and Mel. They've been brave. They gave us a few photos that are throwbacks to share with you all. And we do promise to be kind, but these snapshots, we're going to walk through some of their story. The laughter, the lessons, maybe even a few fashion choices that you might want to forget.

So we're going to start at the very beginning, the early years. Put that first one up there. Okay. Come on now. They're so cute.

Okay. So cute. I had hair. You did. You did have hair.

So, Pastor J, this first photo with the cowboy hats, is this a date or a rodeo? What is happening here? Yee ha. That was one of our first dates, actually. We were dating.

We were officially dating when that photo was taken. Melanie was a student already.

Oh, we were both students. Sorry. You went to school too, Pastor G? Yes.

This is how the next 15 or 20 minutes will go. Trust me. First off, let me just let you know when they keep saying that they ask us. They did not ask us. They asked Jay, and Jay told them yes.

For me. Jay picked out these pictures without me seeing them. I'm like, so. Just so you know, it's real life. It's real life, and you get a good chance.

I'm looking for a place to stay tonight. If anybody has an extra room you would like to rent out. This is how our marriage has worked for 42 years. So I think we're gonna make it. But anyway, if I wasn't so stubborn, he probably made it.

As I was saying, we were both students at that point at Southeastern University. At the time, it was Southeastern College, and that was the Sadie Hawkins. It was not a dance. We couldn't do that because at Southeastern, they did not believe in dancing. No dancing.

This was a Sadie Hawkins event. Yes. It was what they called it. Yeah. Anything else you want to say?

We do? The year before, I was at the Sadie Hawkins with my other boyfriend. Here we go.

Here we go. Help us. Okay. That's a great segue. That is a good segue.

That's a great segue. So when Pastor J, when you first met Mel, what made you think that she could be the one? I do want to hear this.

Well, truth be known, I won't go into all the details. I was a freshman in high school. She was a sophomore. We're only 33 days apart. I married an older woman, Smarter, too.

But we were in a class. We were in a class that had freshmen and sophomores in it at the high school that we attended. And I ended up leading her to the Lord as a freshman in high school and then discipled her. And not long after that, she started dating my best friend. That's good discipleship right there.

I'm saying, yes, that's good. But we became best friends. And every time she would have problems with him, she would come to me, and I was the male version of Dear Abby. Oh, boy. Some of you are too young to even know who Dear Abby was, but I was the male version of Dear Abby, and I would talk her through all of that.

So we were just best friends. And we didn't really even think about dating, honestly. We just had a great friendship, and she was dating him, and I dated some other girls. And when I was going into my senior year of high school and she had just graduated high school, I had a pretty serious automobile accident. Really?

Yeah. And something just changed. And all of a sudden, where we had never thought about dating before, it was just kind of like, hey, really? And we started dating. And it was, I think, then that I was like, she's the one.

Let's go. Let's go. Okay. Yeah, listen. Her blue eyes.

Still to this day. Yes, sir. Melt my heart. Look at this. Look at this, man.

Those blue eyes, man. You see Pastor Mel, he's trying to make up for volunteering you to do this. You got voluntold I know it's not. Got to get out of the doghouse. Yes.

Okay. Well, Clint, clearly both you guys eventually realized that this thing was heading towards marriage and you got married. We have a photo of your wedding day. So which. You guys look great.

I don't know if in this photo I'm not. Do you have a mullet in this one, Pastor? No, the mullet came later. Much later. Okay.

Yeah. So I did not have a mullet in that. So we went backwards. You got married, then you got the mullet. Okay.

Yeah. Mullets weren't really in. That was 1983. Mullets weren't really in at that time. They came a little later.

Well, now we're looking around us now. Every one of you guys. Kids has a mullet probably these days. So. Which is great.

Which is awesome how it came full circle. So what's that next question? Well, we sat at the table. One of the questions was, did anything happen at your wedding? Or anything went wrong?

And we were at dinner. They said that their wedding was simple and no surprises. Nothing went wrong. But if you guys could go back and now and tell your younger selves one thing, one piece of advice, what would it be? Well, I think first I would say put your seat belt on.

And I don't even wear my seat belt most of the time. No, no. I think I would just say it's going to be a lot harder than you think it's going to be, and it's going to be a lot better than you think it's going to be in. Both of those statements are very true. So I love it.

Amen. But that's awesome. And I would probably say to that couple right there, especially to the young man there, to learn to appreciate the differences and not just tolerate the differences. Because the beauty of covenant, when you go back to Scripture, Genesis 12, Genesis 15, Covenant was designed to take two families and blend them together. And the families would enter into covenant because they recognized in the other family something that their family did not possess.

For example, one family might be strong in warfare, weak in agriculture. So they would make covenant with a family that was strong in agriculture but weak in warfare. And they would go through this whole ceremony. So it's the beauty of covenant. So Melanie and I are very different.

And so for many years, I made it my goal to change her the very things. And I made it my goal not to be changed. I think you succeeded, Pastor. We both succeeded the very things that drew me to her, because I recognized in her things that I didn't possess or didn't have or ways that our family was not raised and, you know, just different things. Once we got married, those things started driving me crazy.

And so I made it my goal to change those things. So again, I would go back and say to that young man, God brought you together with your differences, so that together you're better than if you stayed apart. And you have to learn to appreciate those differences and not just tolerate those. That's good. That's good.

So good. All right, so we have another slide that's gonna go up here. Sam asked that. Next question. Okay, so this is early marriage.

Did you know that this picture was coming? No. Oh, you had no idea. Okay, this is a surprise for her, too. This is fun.

Okay, I'm glad you guys didn't ask questions about the honeymoon. Well, no, that's later. We're going to skip those. I'll just say this. Whoa.

I did not need to ask. Let me hear this, too.

Aside from the fact that she could not keep her hands off of me. Whoa, we got a perfect. Have a little repentance here. We spent. This is how poor we were.

We were just. We were broke, poor Bible college students. And we spent the first night of our honeymoon in Eufaula, Alabama, what, an hour away from Columbus, Georgia, where we were raised. Eufaula, Alabama, of all places. I apologize to her for 42 years for that.

Hey, we went to Wendy's, too. Remember that? That was the highlight. I wasn't going to share that detail, but anyway, that's a highlight for us broke college students. Yeah.

Y' all enjoy this because this is never going to happen again. Ever again. Never again. You're getting my family version here. Okay, so this photo looks like it could be a TV sitcom pilot as you two being newlyweds.

Pastor Mel, were there any major agreements within the first couple of years of marriage that you can now laugh about? Simple things, disagreements? I think so. This is. Hang on.

Do you want to. You want to tell me what you're about to say? No. This is our first apartment, and it was a government subsidized apartment. And you can see my hospitality decorating skills.

I've gotten a happy birthday. Happy birthday. Paper on the deck. Was it your birthday? No, it was.

I think Jay's was. It actually was my birthday. It was your birthday? I think it was Jay's. But anyway, our budget was very small, so I was pretty proud of myself.

But I. I think one of the things that when Jay and I were dating, we were in school together, and so we went to the laundromat together. We went to the. We were. We were in college. Did I say it wrong?

We were in college. We did our laundry together. We went to the cafeteria together. We did all the things together. And then we got married over the summer and we came back to the same college.

And instead of moving in, back into our dorms, we moved into the. To this government subsidized housing that was perfect for what we needed. And. But all of a sudden, he didn't go to the laundromat with me. I had to cook the dinners.

I was like, whoa, whoa. So that was not. I was not very agreeable to the change in our lives as much. But it's funny, now I still do all the laundry.

Well, I think you guys, you did get married while you were in college. You have a photo of Pastor J on his graduation day from college. I don't know. I thought it was a hat on your head in the red dress there on the right for a long time. And then I realized it was a wreath behind your head.

I was like, man, she really got dressed up to go to church these days. You know what I'm saying? Interesting hairstyle. But I realized. So, okay, Pastor J, I'm going to ask this to both of you guys.

You guys have been in vocational ministry now for 40 plus years. Did you ever envision you guys having a career outside of ministry? Every Monday.

That's because of you guys. I know that. No, I knew at a young age I was called to do what. What I'm doing. And the interesting thing is that 90% of those who start out in ministry do not end in ministry.

90%. Only 10% of those who start out of ministry actually retire from ministry. But I knew at a young age that this was what God had called me to do. And so although there have been moments, and I would say they've been many, where I've asked the Lord to allow me to do something else in a moment of frustration or, you know, difficult times that you go through in ministry. I've never seriously tried to do anything else because, first of all, I'm called to do this.

Secondly, we love what we do. We love pastoring, we love pouring into people, and we love leading the greatest church in the nation called the Refuge. Amen. And you guys are a part of that out there, which is awesome. Okay, so you're married.

So what comes next, children? Now we've reached the family years, and you can tell by Clay and Cole's matching outfits that parenting Is serious business. Yes. You're welcome. Clay, I want you to know that they're so cute for all the young parents in the room.

How did the two of you prioritize your marriage with the demands of family and ministry when they were so heavy? Well, maybe piggybacking a little bit on the question before, when I. After I got saved when I was 15, I started going to everything that the church had going. If it was, I mean, there wouldn't be another young person there. I was there.

I just had this love, hunger, desire to be part of the church, part of the bride of Christ, and I just loved it. That's all I can say. So fast forward, I knew the Lord. I was in there one time helping clean up something and felt like the Lord said, you're always going to be. This is always going to be your life.

And I was so thankful. I was very happy about that. So when we went into ministry and then so we fast forward into having children, church, the ministry was not really separate for me than my family. It was all inclusive, like our marriage, like it was who we were. And so that's how we treated it with our children, and that's how we treated it with one another.

It wasn't a burden, obviously. We had to make choices at certain ages and divide and conquer and all the things that all you guys do, making decisions. But it never felt like a burden or some. Something separate. It just was what our life was.

And we loved our life. And I think my kids did because now they're all in. I was gonna say they're all in here. So I think it works when it really is genuinely your heart. And we never made it feel like a burden to them.

It was more of a joy to them when we were at Central Drive. I wish we had that picture. There's one when we were renovating Central Drive, which was where the refuge started. Well, not started, but it was our first building. And clay and coal are out in the construction dumpsters, which I'm sure was pretty unsafe because just obviously that seems sick.

But I was inside painting. I didn't really know that at the moment, but there's a lot of fun, good memories that they talk about all the time about being raised in ministry. So I'm would unapologetically say it can work and it takes the Lord, but it is. Can be stressful. It is.

I love that raising kids is tough. It's really tough. Yeah. I think for me, of course, when I was growing up, my dad was of a different generation, obviously. And he was very much a workaholic.

I loved my dad. He's been in heaven for 24 years now. He was a great provider and he was a great father. But my dad was, there were often times that he would miss one of my ball games or things like that. And I, I just knew.

And this applies to any career. This is not just ministry, although ministry can be 247 if we're not careful. And I learned early on to set boundaries and to prioritize my family. And so when my kids were growing up, I was always coaching one of their teams or I was the assistant coach for one of their teams. And there was hardly ever a practice or a gang that I missed.

And I was just very intentional about being involved in their lives and not not allowing the demands of ministry to take precedent over my family, over my marriage, or over my highest and first calling, which is ministry to my family. And so we've just always prioritized that. And I'm grateful. And you know, through, through the years, I've made a lot of people mad because I learned this two letter word years ago. N O, no.

And we would just keep the boundaries in place so that my family was always a priority because I just determined early on I did not want to be a statistic. I didn't want to be one of the many, many pastors that had either burned out or fallen into temptation and suffered a moral failure or any of those kinds of things. So God's been good to us. And you know, like Melanie mentioned, all of our kids and grandkids are here in the church and we have the great privilege of having two sons on our staff along with their wives and a son who's in our discipleship school. We're missing one of our children.

He was obviously not born yet. Yes. So, so Kayden is not in there because Cole at that point is just one and Clay is two. So. But you know what?

It's a great segue to the next photo, which is your current family today as of 2024. Legacy happens because you stayed in it, because you stayed committed to the process that the Lord has been forming in you. So I, I, we're running out of time here, but I have just a couple burning questions. Okay. After 42 years, what's been the secret to staying in love?

Not just staying married.

I'll say it's like your relationship with the Lord. There's moments where you realize maybe you are doing it out of doing things, out of duty. And like revelation talks about, you need to Return to the first things and really refocus. And I think that's, you know, it's not like every day has been the I do moment. It's been some days you're just journeying to the commitment you made.

But if you keep doing that, just like your relationship with the Lord, it's not going to go well. So you have to quickly remember what you loved at first, remember what you did at first, and re. Enter that into your relationship. Writing notes to each other, all the things that you guys know. We wrote so many love notes to each other because we were apart for a little while while we were in school.

And so just redoing some of those simple things and it's always just brought us back to amen where we needed to be. Do you agree, Pastor J. Absolutely. And, you know, some of it's common sense, but all of it takes intentionality and work, especially the longer that you've been married, to find ways to keep romance in the marriage and to laugh together, laugh at yourselves, have fun. Because the pressures increase.

We all understand stress in marriage, and so we've just tried to be intentional about family vacations. And there's been so many times that I've planned trips just for the two of us. Times to get away. And I haven't done this in a while, but used to every quarter, I would plan a night that we would go just somewhere to a hotel. We would get away from the demands of ministry.

We would go to a mall. She loves to go to a mall. Or we'd go shop. We'd go walk around, go to coffee shops and just have a night away and just little things like that. All along the way, I believe have kept life in our marriage, especially when our children were at those ages where if you were home, you were mom and dad at all times.

Yeah. So it was nice to have just. Even if it was in Charlotte, it was just nice. Well, really, you're just mom and. Hey, dad, where's Mom?

So, I love you, Sam. Last question. Go ahead. So what do you two, as a couple, what do you guys hope your legacy will be one day?

I would love to be known as a great husband and a great father and a great grandfather. First and foremost, I want to be known for my love for Jesus. And then I want to be known as a great, true shepherd and a true pastor and a great leader in the body of Christ. Amen. Amen.

I think my goals or my legacy would be more important to just the well done and how I managed my household and to me, the church is a family. So the way I've cared for the church in the areas that I'm able to do and all, and I think that that's seeing my kids flourishing in this season. And, man, I feel like I'm just living a dream right now with that. And I'm so grateful. We are grateful.

And I will say, the insight, the laughter, the cowboy hats, bring those back, by the way. I think you should. But most of all for the example that you've set of 40 plus years of saying yes to each other because you've said yes to Jesus first, and that does not go without notice. We as a congregation are grateful to the two of you and thank you guys for being willing to share some of these moments and laugh a little bit. Because you know what?

You're people too, and I know that. So would you guys give it up for Pastors J?

As they're exiting, I know you guys have been sitting for a while. We stuffed you full of cupcakes and all kinds of stuff and then said sit down for a long time. So I think at this point, what might be necessary is a little humor. So we have a record video that we wanted to show you guys just a couple minutes long of what it may have looked like for some of you to transition from the years of dating into the years of marriage. And it's by way of video through comedian Trey Kennedy.

I want you guys to check this out.

I want you right next to me. Seats open. I'm coming. You know it's my favorite. Come here.

My chair. Your chair? Okay. Don't cross the bear. I don't want your freezing feet touching me.

So sit in your chair. Don't. Stop it. Are you trying to have a smoochie time? We have to be somewhere in 10 minutes.

We've got stuff all this week. We're going out of town. Then your parents are here. So how about we schedule boom boom time for a week from next Friday? Does that work?

Okay, I'll send you a calendar. I really don't feel good. What's wrong? I. I just feel, you know, I just, like, sick, you know? You know, babe, I don't feel so good.

I don't. Do you hear that? Do you hear diarrhea, too? Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

It's okay. You're lucky. I love you, honey. I'll make us dinner. Are you in the mood for beef stew?

Because I am. Oh, no. I told you I'm gonna kill you. I told you. Babe, could we lose the blanket?

I'm just getting pretty hot. I'm sorry. Oh, of course, sweetie. Is something wrong? Are you hot?

Do you need a cold rag? Can I. Okay. How sweaty are your legs? Oh, am I married to a warthog?

Go towel down. That's crazy, dude. Oh, babe, wait. Oh, what are we. Are we trying to dance or something?

What do you. Wait. Takes two to tango, right? Come here. Let me see.

Oh, my. Okay. Excuse me. You see, I'm going to the dishwasher. Could you move, please?

Gosh, you're like a Labrador. You're. Move. Hey, Excuse me. Excuse me.

Okay. I can't do the handhold thing again. I. Geez Louise. Am I holding my wife's hand, or is Saint Bernard's tongue. What is.

You gonna get that checked out? Let's binge watch something together, because I want to do everything together like I like. This is us. You like sports? How about Friday Night Lights?

Let's do.

Think. We just need some humor. So. So my. My favorite was the Labrador one.

I. I feel that one really deep. I am always in her way at all times. Our entire family is in the same square foot of our entire house the entire time. Always. It's true.

So it is our honor and absolute joy to introduce our keynote speakers for tonight. Two people who not only talk about marriage from a biblical perspective, but live it out every single day. Janet and Michael Roberts serve faithfully as the head elders here at our church. They've been married for more than four decades, and through every season, mountaintops and valleys alike, they've demonstrated what it looks like to build a marriage on the firm foundation of God's word. So before joining our church in 2016, they spent over 25 years in different, various types of ministry.

Now they've poured in the countless families, helping them to discover the beauty of God's design for healthy relationships. Together, they've raised two amazing sons. And now they get to enjoy the sweet blessing of four amazing grandkids together. If you spend even five minutes with Janet and Michael, you will sense their deep love for one another, their unwavering faith, and their heart for seeing marriages not just survive, but thrive. Rooted in Christ, they've truly made the word of God their guiding light and have even determined in every season of life to seek first the kingdom of heaven.

So tonight, as they share from their hearts, from many decades of wisdom and experience, we encourage you to lean in and let their words and their testimony encourage you through your own journey of marriage. Would you please give a warm welcome to the stage, Michael and Janet Roberts.

I didn't know we were so awesome.

Who knew? I know I can't do anything until I put my glasses on. That's all right, dear. That's what? 47 years of marriage.

So I was going to thank Pastor Jay and Mel and their amazing hearts and Pastor Andrew and Pastor Sam, but I kind of took care of that, so I won't go that direction. But there is one other group of people that I do want to thank before I turn it over to my amazing and lovely wife. I want to thank all of you for taking the time to come tonight. You all have busy lives, but you made this a priority. And for some of you, it was probably not a huge maybe undertaking, but just the great opportunity for you to fellowship, maybe spend some time with each other and maybe not have your precious children at your side as well.

But for others, it did take a lot of effort, planning, and maybe some sacrifice to make it here. Maybe. You said if I have to go, I'm just gonna go. You know what? That's okay.

For whatever reason you may have, God knew you were gonna be here tonight. And something special is absolutely is gonna happen tonight. Pastor Andrew, Sam, and my wife, we've prayed that whoever is sitting in these tables tonight, that you ordained of God to be here. So I would just encourage you to trust what he says to you tonight, do what he tells you tonight, and hopefully we will all walk away with our spouses, getting to know them a little better and would have a better understanding of what the God of the universe intended for marriage to look like and hopefully how to experience that in your marriages. Mrs. Roberts, you know, I read the bio or the write up that they had about the marriage conference on the website and what struck me is that you said we had been happily married for over 40 years.

It's actually been 40, 47 years next month. I don't know if 40 of those years were happy. Maybe some of them, in the interest of full disclosure, if we bunched them all together, maybe 40 out of those 47 were happy, but maybe less.

I thought they were great.

He's the golden retriever. I'm a middle child. We just go with the flow, that's all. They just don't want no trouble. You know, before we moved here, we lived in the upstate of South Carolina.

We belonged to a church there. And that particular church had a pretty significant online presence in written material, articles, you know, on the Bible and blogs. Remember when blogs were a thing? And so I was on that Team, the writing team. And what would happen is the editor would say, you know, give me 250 words on communion, or give me 250 words on forgiveness.

And we'd write an article and they'd go ahead and publish it. Well, they were doing a series on marriage and the different seasons of marriage. And because we're now the oldest people, everywhere we go, they said. The editor asked me, can you write an article about how to keep the atmosphere of the early years of your marriage alive? Because I guess they thought we were doing that, so we fooled them.

So, anyway, so I sat down to write the article and I thought, you know, I can't write this article because I really don't agree with the premise, because I wouldn't want to carry over into this stage of our life, the early years of our marriage. I feel like we were strangers then, and we had a relationship that didn't have any depth. You know, society has perpetuated a myth that if you meet your soulmate, you will live happily ever after. Far be it for me to disagree with what was then match.com but you, you. You do not meet your soulmate.

The person you marry. You become each other's soulmates. And it's through, yes, the laughter and the tears and the joy and the sorrow and the good times and the bad and the sickness and health and richer and for poorer. Two people become perfectly suited to one another. If you invite the Lord into your life and into your marriage.

If you invite the Lord into your marriage, you can emerge from the chaos of raising the kids and paying the bills and getting that bad diagnosis and a betrayal and running a household and the times you sat at the kitchen table and looked at that person across to you from you and said, my God, did I make a ghastly mistake or what?

If you invite the Lord into your marriage, you can emerge from all of that with a love that feels young, but with depth and with a bond that is unbreakable. I will tell you, on paper, this should not have lasted five years. We didn't meet in youth group.

47 years ago. We met through a mutual friend, a gal that I had gone to high school with, worked at the hospital with Michael, and one Friday night, her and I went to a local establishment where one refreshes oneself and dances. And her work friends were there, which included Michael. And I took a look at him, and I was like, ooh, ochi, mama.

He looked like the Magnum PI of the 1970s. You know, he just had that look. I had the Hawaiian Shirt, too. But I knew I was going to have my work cut out to get him to notice me because he was always surrounded by women. And you didn't know I was going to say that.

I took that away. And then he could get on that dance floor and move like Jagger. I'm going to tell you, let's preface it. I worked in a laboratory while I was in college. And there were 200 people that worked in that laboratory.

190 of them were women. So I just really did have a lot of friends that were girls. Really. That's really. That's the truth.

That's nice, dear.

So we were at this one establishment and we decided we wanted to go to a different establishment. And so rather than all of us getting in separate cars, we decided, you know, we would just carpool and all of us get in just a couple cars. And I ended up in his car. Go figure. So after the night was over, to guarantee that I would see him again, I left my coat in his car.

Because, woman, thy name is serpent. And it was a nice full length leather coat. And being the gentleman that he was, he did indeed return the coat to me. And six months later, we were married.

Yeah, I led him to the altar like a lamb to the slaughter.

The day after we got married, this was up in Ohio. The day after we got married, we packed all of our worldly belongings in his Ford Mustang and we left Ohio. We moved to California. Neither one of us knew the Lord. This was a disaster just waiting to happen, if not for God, because he can breathe life into anything and he can make all things beautiful in its time.

Amen. She's amazing. She can. She has all these notes and she very rarely even looks at those notes. You'll notice tonight that I'm going to do a lot of reading because I don't have that gifting.

And to be honest with you, we really have. We sought God for a long time about this message, about this night, about all of you that were going to be here. So. So I believe with all my heart the things that we're going to share with you are absolutely what the Holy Spirit wanted you to hear tonight. And I don't want to miss any of that.

So I'm going to probably do more reading certainly, than with my wife. So stay tuned. You know, it does not have to matter what kind of home environment really, that you were brought in. God can work with all of that. So, as Janet said, we got married on a Friday night, Sunday morning, we moved to Southern California.

And my wife Gets saved there. And I was a really good Catholic boy, and I went to church every Sunday. But that was the extent of my relationship with God. But she gets saved and she develops this love of the word of God. She was one of those people that carried her Bible everywhere she went and kind of does that today as well.

So things haven't changed a whole lot. And then it's crazy how God brought us, after two and a half years in California, back to Ohio. That's a story for another day. But literally, we had a conversation seven weeks about going back home to Ohio. Seven weeks later, we were on our way back to Ohio.

We had sold our house. You think the interest rates are now. Interest rates at that time, John, were 19%. Try to sell a house in a market where they were 19%. But God, my company transferred me.

They gave us a transfer seven weeks to the day. We had everything that we owned packed in a jar. Tran Mover. And we are on our way back to Ohio again. I was a Catholic boy.

I had no idea, really, about a relationship with God. But even I knew at that point, because this woman was praying, that God had his hand in this situation. So we moved back to Ohio, and our first son, Michael, was born. And I hadn't had a clue. So how do you become a father?

I didn't know how to be a husband. But how do you become a father? The reason is because my father died when I was 11 years old. We had six kids, and the oldest, my mom had dad. They had six children.

The oldest was 14. My mom was only 37 years old. I can't wait to see her in heaven again because just again, to thank her now that I've, you know, gone through a few things and realized what she had to do to keep it all together for all of us, because we did have a wonderful childhood. It was amazing. So when I became a husband and then a father, I was not able to turn to my earthly father and say, so, dad, how do you do this?

How do you become a husband? How do you become a father? Because he wasn't there. But we did have a pastor who told us that the Bible had all the answers to any questions we would ever have, including what it took, what my role would be as a husband and a father. I turned to my heavenly Father's word and how to be that father that my.

And the husband that my wife and my children definitely needed me to be. So whatever type of home you grew up, maybe you were a pastor's kid, like Pastor Jay's children are. Maybe you had one parent, maybe you had foster parents, maybe you had unbelieving parents. You still have the opportunity today to get on the path that God wants you to be as a godly spouse and a parent. I was able to find that path with the many mistakes I made.

But I followed the manual and the manual was the Bible. Before I turn it to my wife. One additional comment about this manual Psalm 119, verse 105 says, the word of God is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto your path. So each one of you, you have all these paths that you're going to walk down. You're going to be a spouse, you're going to be a parent, a business person, a neighbor, an in law.

All these different paths that you're going to walk down. Well, my brothers and sisters, if the Bible is the lamp and the light and you don't take advantage of the light, what do you have? Libby, you have darkness. Now all the lights are supposed to go out as an effect. Maybe they're not going to go out.

Are they going to go out or not? Or not? So I will tell you this. Close your eyes. Close your eyes.

Absolutely. Seriously, that's brilliant. Close your eyes. And if I told you that now you had to try to leave this auditorium, this sanctuary, and maybe get yourself to the exit, it's going to be very dangerous for you. Why?

Because you can't see. There's going to be chairs you may be tripping over, you might trip over your old wife, you might trip over the tables, but you can't because you can't see. That's why it's so important, the Bible, which is again the lamp unto your feet and light on your path. And I know you know this, but what you need to do on a regular basis is apply those scriptures, whatever it may be, as a husband, as a parent, walking through unforgiveness salvation, whatever it may be, you find what the Bible says about that particular subject and you begin to walk in it. So through the Bible and the Holy Spirit, because tonight's message is a twofold message.

It's about the word of God and it's about the Holy Spirit. And it's the Holy Spirit that will individualize those scriptures to your household. Because you may talk about disciplining your children. Well, maybe you have one child, maybe you have four or five. So it's going to look a little bit different.

But that's why you need the Holy Spirit to cry out to him, say, what does this mean for My family. How does that look like in my family? Mrs. Roberts, you know, there are a myriad of reasons for the demise of a marriage or really any relationship. However, I would argue that they all fall under one broad category. And that would be unmet expectations.

Right. I thought you would do this, but you didn't. That. I never thought you would do that, but you did. You know, I thought my life would turn out like this, but it's turned out like that.

You know, as an aside, we'd, we'd love to see, you know, Michael does premarital counseling. That's kind of his wheelhouse. But we'd love to see the culture change that instead of premarital counseling, it would be pre engagement counseling. Because the program we use here is so great, it's multifaceted. But one of the components is that the facilitator brings to the table the kinds of things that a couple should talk about before they decide they want to marry one another.

You know, how do you feel about going to church? How do you feel about working? Who's going to provide the income? How about money management? How about household chores?

Who's going to do that? You want children? How many children? The outlaws, the in laws, you know, the boudoir, all those things. So those expectations are brought to the table.

They're voiced and they're discussed. And the couple has an opportunity to kind of hash out those areas that they're really not in sync on. Which is, which is so helpful before that ring goes on. Because once that ring goes on, that that train is on the track, you know, and very little is going to stop it. So, I mean, I mean, we'd love to see culture in general changed in that way.

Pastor JR you mentioned about NSync, and I think Pastor Jay, when you were asked the question about what would you say to that young man and to appreciate the differences, not try to make Pastor Mel do be like you. But God uniquely designed her. He uniquely designed you. You. There was one principle in this tool that we use called Symbis that talk about getting on the same page.

And they say that the goal in marriage is not to learn to think alike. The goal in marriage is to learn to think together. I'm going to say that again. The goal of marriage is not to learn to think alike, but the goal of marriage is to learn to think together. Because as Pastor Jay said, and the dad of the research points out, it's like almost every one of us, we have so many different qualities, and it's because that's the way God uniquely designed it.

But he knew that he would learn. And we're going to talk about becoming one flesh tonight and what that looks like and how important that is. But again, don't learn to think alike. Learn to think together. Yeah.

And the notion about getting those kinds of things before that ring goes on. Why we would recommend that is because disappointments are minimized in marriages where couples have learned to manage their expectations about the dynamics in a marriage. So I want to give you a couple of principles that will help you manage your expectations. Expectations about marriage. And really this can be applied to any kind of relationship that you have.

Number one, the more we get to know the person we married, the less we like them. Let me repeat that. The more we get to know the person we married, the less we like them. Everyone is more appealing from a distance. And that is just the natural trajectory of.

Of any relationship, you know. Have you ever seen a couple at church? Oh, hello. Praise the Lord. I'm not going to fall who you think, man, they would be so fun to hang out with.

And then you start hanging out with them and then you're like, oh, Did you notice how he. Why does she always, you know, those things start to come out. Everybody looks much better from afar earlier this year.

Where's Marcelo and Raquel? Oh, mi amores.

Apparently they thought we looked good from afar and so they invited us to travel with them overseas to Portugal, and we agreed to do that. I don't know that they anticipated they would be lugging around 70 year old toddlers for 10 days. I don't know if they thought that's what would happen. You're not 70. And I shudder to think what they came to know about us in those 10 days of very close travel.

I'm just hoping the adage applies at what happened in Lisbon. State in Lisbon. And we'll all be better off about that. Speaking of couples who know more about us than we're comfortable with, you two right there, Reem and Ryan, if you value the love and care that we pour out on your children when we babysit them. And we do.

We love it. And we do think they're yummy. To coin a phrase.

Don't tell our secrets. They've seen us many, many times. I don't even put on makeup when I go over their house. That's how much I love you. The good, the bad and the ugly.

Bottom line, you don't really know the person that you're married to until you are sharing all aspects of your life. So the More you get to know someone, the less you like them. Principle number one. Principle number two. The people with whom we have the most contact are the people with whom we have the most potential for conflict.

Right. I have never once been upset with the woman that lives on the street behind me that I see once in a while when I go get the mail. I think she's fabulous. I just. We've never had an argument, but everything about the person you're dating, exactly what the video showed.

It's so cute and everything. Until you got to live with it. Right? Man, we. We crossed swords getting ready for this.

Okay. There was a lot of blood.

What is Macbeth? There will be blood. Because, you know, we usually don't work in this context together. So we were drawn together in a way we hadn't been drawn together to produce something. So that's just the way it is.

Now, do I share what seems to be the inescapable, unpleasant realities of marriage so you can manage your expectations. Expectations. And just deal with it? Nay. I say no.

We're going to show you how to mitigate those realities. And that is, again, what it looks like in some very practical ways to invite the Lord into your marriage. All marriages are plagued by the consequences that are the unfortunate result of the fall in Genesis chapter three. But with the help of the word of God and the Holy Spirit, we can put spiritual principles in place that will supersede that law. So the law of gravity is a thing.

It's a law. But when a pilot engages the laws of lift and thrust, an airplane can supersede, can overcome the law of gravity. Matt, you're a pilot, so if I'm wrong about that, don't say anything.

And in the same way, the law of the spirit of life in Christ Jesus can set us free from the law of sin, sin and death, and the damage of the fall and the demise of a marriage, we don't have to fall prey to the natural trajectory of the marriage relationship. Now, Michael's going to explain to you a couple of practical ways the law of the spirit of life in Christ Jesus can be put into effect in your marriage. The theme of this conference is rooted, and we needed to be rooted in the responsibilities toward one another according to the word of God. We also need to be rooted regarding the marriage in the spirit as far as the word of God is concerned. So, husbands, we're going to address you first.

And the scriptures that I'm about to share with you are the same scriptures that I have shared probably over 50 different times. In couples that I've married over the years, including the last one I have, the Davis children. We were privileged to be a part of that wedding as well. These are the same scriptures that I discuss with God every single day and have for the last 35 years, including this morning, every single day for the last 35 years. I go over these particular scriptures with God.

The first one that we're going to, and there's just three, I'm going to mention another one, but there's only three scriptures. Guys, you can do this, and I think it'll take you like five to seven minutes if you do this. But it's a game changer. It's a game changer. Ephesians 5,25, husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it.

So how did Christ love the church, and what does that look like in your marriage? Well, we're going to look at the word of God to see some ways on how Christ loved the church. And I believe with the help of the Holy Spirit, who will tell you what those scriptures can look like in your marriage if you ask him. So the first scripture, again, there's only three. John 15:13.

And there are more scriptures, ways that God loved the church. But since I'm here, I got to pick the three scriptures. And so we picked three scriptures. John 15:13. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay his life down for his friends.

Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay his life down for his friends. So what can that. What does that look like in your house? What does that look like in my house? Every day I have this conversation with God.

Lord, today I lay my life down for my wife. I put her wants and her needs, her desires before my own. Tomorrow I'm going to do the same thing. And the next day you declare that out loud. So you hear that.

Because faith cometh by hearing. It's a very powerful principle.

You hear that every day. That will absolutely help you walk through it. Scripture number two, First John 4:19. We love him because he first loved us. Jesus was the initiator of love towards us.

So again, what will that look like in your house? What does it look like in my house? Lord, today? How can I initiate love towards my wife today, Lord, what does that look like? Is it a sticky note with a love I love you on it?

Is it a cup of coffee when she wakes up? Is it a small gift? Is it a kind word? Is it doing something around the house that usually she does like the dishes and is to bring home dinner. Ask the Holy Spirit, each day, what does initiating look like towards your wife?

Every day will be different. And so that act of love can look different each day. Again, you dialogue with God out loud. Lord, what does that. What can that look like today?

And again he you calling to me. He said, I will answer you. And he'll. So he'll show you, because that's his daughter and he loves her. But the third one, Romans 5:8.

God loves us right where we are at in our trespasses and our sins. Now, this one might be the hardest or the most challenging one of the three to walk out in your marriage. Because you may say, well, hey, I've been laying my life down for her every day. I've initiated love towards her. I don't see any reciprocation.

In fact, it may seem to get worse. But guys, it's about the obedience. That's what it's all about. You obey God will take care of the outcome. In my home, your home, it could look like, Lord, today I will love my wife right where she's at with all of her imperfections, I won't expect it.

Not that she has any.

I initially said on her sins, but that didn't work out because she doesn't sin. Okay, okay. With all her imperfections, I won't expect anything in return. I won't keep score. I will pursue this to do this, because that's how you have loved me.

And guys, may I remind you that you are married to God's daughter. You are married to God's daughter. I believe one day that he will have a conversation with you about how you treated his daughter. And you know what? I think about that fairly often.

And I can't say that I always mic. It always causes me to change my actions. But there are many times when I'm going to respond a certain way. And it's like the Holy Spirit says, is that how you want to treat your God's daughter? And I say, no.

Hallelujah.

You know, I love the notion, the way Michael presents that because your household isn't going to look like our household, all households don't look look the same. And what he would do that would be sweet to me is maybe not what your husband would do that would be sweet to you. Back in the day, when we were going through marriage, when we'd have marriage conferences back in the 80s, every guy was told, bring your wife home flowers. You know, I'm not really a flower person. You know what I'm saying, and so I love the notion that the Holy Spirit will customize to you what will touch your wife's heart.

So early years of our marriage, it became apparent that we were different people in the morning. And this is even. This is even. After we were both saved, Michael gets up, happy, ready to face the day. Zip Biddy Doo does Zip Biddy A the whole nine yards.

And so this is back in Ohio. And when he'd get up and he's always the first one up, and he'd be getting in the shower, and I could hear him in there praising Jesus and thanking him. And a good wife would have been happy that that was going on in her home.

But I put the pillow over my head and just prayed to God, please make it stop. Just make it stop.

And all he wanted to do was get up and talk to his wife in the morning. I didn't want any part of it. And unfortunately, both our boys were like that, too. So it was one happy household. So until one day I was laying in bed, I thought, I smell something.

I smell coffee. And I looked over, and on my nightstand was a cup of coffee. And what I eat to this day, every single day for breakfast, two pieces of dry rye toast.

And every morning, he start bringing me in bed a cup of coffee and two pieces of. Of dry rye toast. Have you guys ever heard of Pavlov's dog? It was very much that kind of training. And.

He totally reversed me 100% to dreading his face in the morning, to looking forward to seeing him, because I knew what he was going to bring me.

Okay, so now that could have gone a different way. His approach could have been, you know, I'm sick and tired of your crabby face. Which would have been wholly appropriate, although I don't know how effective it is. Was it better to better a patient man, the one that takes the city. But it was a way that he initiated love toward me, and it really made a change.

And again, I wish I could take credit for that. I will take credit for walking through the words, but so lay your life down. How can I initiate love and love her right where she's at? Do it every day. It'll take you five or six minutes.

It's a game changer, guys. It's a game changer. So precious women, we certainly don't want to forget about you. But, you know, I only have one scripture for you. Actually, guys, you needed four.

Your wife only needs one.

That being said, this is a really important point. God makes a big deal of it. Ephesians 5:33. And wives must respect her husband. That's the NIV.

And wives must respect their husband. If you go to the Amplified Bible in the classified edition, kind of amplifies it a little bit, and this is what it says. And let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband, that she notices him, she honors him, she prefers him, she venerates. Yeah, it does say that. Venerate.

Okay. Esteem him. And she defers to him. She praises him and loves and admires him exceedingly. Now, ladies, I know that can be a tall order, okay?

But the same guidance that I suggested to your husband, I'm going to encourage you to do today. God, I will purpose in my heart to respect my husband. Please show me how that can look like today. How can that. How can I show him respect today?

Please help me recognize opportunities to show him honor and respect. You also need to have this conversation out loud with God and have it every day. Ladies, listen carefully. Nothing means more to a man than when you honor him in some way. It's the way God wired us.

Absolutely. He responds to you when you show us honor and respect, even if we don't deserve it. Again, your job is to obey. His job is the outcome. Trust him.

Trust him. We talked a little bit about the SIBIS tool a little bit earlier. This marriage preparation tool. It has been given over 50 million times. And when the participants were asked if they felt the assessment tool was accurately portraying their personalities.

Does this really accurately depict me? And it was up to 94% of people who said yes. This really. This nailed me. Okay.

The number one trait that the symbol recommends that a woman needs to know about a man is to admire and respect him. So a lot of research went into that, but really all they really needed to do was look to Ephesians 5:33 to realize that it means a lot for guys to have respect shown. You know, ladies, the last person in front of whom your husband wants to look foolish is you. And, you know, I'm going to describe a scenario, and I can imagine we've all been there that time when you cautioned him not to do the thing, but he didn't listen to you and he did the thing. And the unpleasant consequences you warned him of unfolded because he didn't do the thing.

He did the thing that you told him not to do. And in our minds, we're thinking, I bet he forgot that I told him not to do that. And it would be helpful if I reminded him that I cautioned him not to do that. Not only will that be helpful, he'll think, my wife is brilliant. I just.

I don't know why I don't lean on her wisdom more. And. And this is what we think is going to happen, but it's not. It's not going to be. It's.

It's not going to happen that way. You, in those times in particular, you have a choice to make about how you're going to honor your husband. And this. Micah and I were just. The story just came back to us as we were going over the material, and we were driving.

I don't know why, I remember this on the turnpike in western Pennsylvania. And he was going pretty fast, and which is really odd because now our rolls are reversed, and he's warning me about that, but he was exceeding the speed limit. And I told him, you know, maybe you ought to slow down. You're going kind of fast. He said, I'm not going.

I'm only going 11 miles over the speed. And I said, Well, I think 7 is okay, but I think 11 is bad. But maybe, you know, so he's speeding and speeding. I said, you know, really, Michael, I think you ought to slow down. And he said, well, I'm going.

Just keeping up with traffic. And I said, no, actually, you're passing traffic. I think you ought to slow down. And he said, no, I'm fine. Well, and the moment happened where you look in your rear view mirror and you see those twirling red lights behind you.

And we got pulled over, and he got a speeding ticket, and he was really, really mad about that. And so after the highway patrol guy went back to his car and we, you know, you're pulling off the berm and we're getting back on the highway, and there's just this uncomfortable silence at that moment, you know, and I had a decision to make, and I made a good one. And I said to him, hey, Mario, how about if we stop somewhere and get lunch?

Mario Andretti, the race car driver, not Mario. This is back in the 80s. And you know what? The fact that I just joked about that, it cut the tension and it broke that uncomfortable feeling. And he laughed, and I laughed, and it was over.

And so your husband is. He's not going to be impressed with. Our husbands are not impressed with how smart we are when they do something wrong, but they are blessed by how gracious we are towards them and how kind we are in the face of that.

Oh, as Michael said, that's me. I'm in the dark. Let me just make One comment. And again, that's why, ladies, every day you say, because that was a moment that could have passed, you could have missed. But there was that moment that the Holy Spirit gave her a little push and said, this is an opportunity for you to honor your husband and that will happen again as you seek his face every single day and say, lord, where?

What does it look like to honor my husband? Yeah, absolutely. So, you know, Michael said we, we needed to be rooted in the word toward one another. What does the word say about how we should treat one another? And we also need to be rooted by the spirit to one another.

And, you know, how does that happen? Do any of you know what is unique about an aspen tree? Cue the photo. Some of you from Ladies Monday Morning Prayer may know about that because I talked a little bit about the aspen tree. Do you know that a single aspen tree can produce another aspen tree through its root system?

Listen, I'm going to read this to you because it's the truth, because it's on the Internet.

Always true. The roots from a single aspen tree send up shoots that grow to become another full grown tree. Although each tree has a distinctive look on the outside, they actually share the same genetic material. They are essentially one organism. Their shared root system is extremely beneficial because it facilitates communication.

Apparently, trees communicate resource sharing and resilience. And when I, when I read about those trees, I thought about the rib that God took out of Adam to create Eve, how they look different on the outside. But in essence, they are one flesh. You know, the Bible tells us through marriage, a man and a woman become one flesh. They share the same spiritual genetic code.

They become a single organism. But I'll tell you, the manifestation of that reality requires that we engage in the law of the Spirit of life. And a shared root system in marriage is manifested in couples when they pray together.

The root system becomes shared when we pray together. When a couple prays together, the oneness in the Spirit becomes manifest in the natural. And. And just like the aspen trees, we begin to have better communication. We become more resilient, we become more secure.

We share our resources. And can I tell you something? There's an unfortunate reality that very few Christian couples pray together in a meaningful way, which attributes to the sad statistic that the divorce rate in the church is equal to the divorce rate in the world. So this concept of becoming one flesh, Genesis 2:24, Therefore a man shall leave his mother's father and shall cleave it to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Jesus talked about it Matthew 19.

Paul talked about it in Ephesians 5, 31. Becoming one flesh. Guys, this is a spiritual phenomena. This is what. This is what happens, okay?

So it can happen if you pray together. I don't know if it happens. If you don't, as I shared with you, I've probably got the privilege to marry over 50 different couples. And so I stand in front of them and I share these scriptures. The two shall become one flesh.

And then after it's over, I say, husbands, now kiss your bride. And I look and there's still two people there. So wait a minute. I thought I said that they become. God said they became one flesh.

Again, it's a spiritual phenomena when husbands and wives pray together. This gets this one flesh mechanism in action. So I'm going to explain, share with you quickly here what it looks like in my wife and I's life. This. And I'm going to read this because again, we've done this for 30, 45, 40 years.

But again, it's so important that I'm just. I don't want to miss anything. This next step is so important in the process of becoming one flesh. Over the years, when I've spoken with many married couples about the challenges they were facing in their lives, challenges from soup to nuts, and I asked them, have they prayed about it? A vast majority of them said absolutely yes.

Upon further dialogue, I find out that the husband has prayed and the wife has prayed. But in reality, very rarely have they prayed together about issues that are concerning their family. They're still good people. You're on your way to heaven. You love God.

But here's the thing. If you're not praying together, God won't love you anymore because you do pray.

But the wonderful benefits that my wife talked about of communication, security, resilience are not added or developed. Praying together about subjects that concern your family will help both get you on the same page. Hopefully, it's his page. In our opinion, this really happens in marriage when you begin to pray together. So, again, what does that look like?

What can that look like in your home? I will share what praying together looks like in our household. It's not complicated, but it happens. And it's happened for 40 years. So I was raised a Catholic, and prayer was always very private and quiet.

And when Janet and I first started to pray together, I actually had to go back to. Back to her. I couldn't, like, look her in the face because that's not how I was raised. But eventually, through practice and some confidence, we began to turn face to face actually be able to grab her hands. And for a while there, I was able.

I began to lead the prayer. This is a game changer. This is absolutely a game changer. We began to pray about everything quickly. Proverbs 5, 3, 5 and 6 are so scripture that everybody knows.

Trust in the Lord with all of your heart. Don't lean on your own understanding, but in all your ways. If you acknowledge him, he said he would guide and direct your steps. So the end of that verse, guiding and direct your steps. Everybody wants that.

Of course, I want God to correct my steps. But when you start to look at that scripture, you realize there's actually three things that you have to do. First, before he does his part, there's always these conditions. For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son that whoever believed in him wouldn't perish but have everlasting life. Life.

People die every day and go to hell, but the price has been paid. But the condition was you needed to accept Jesus as your Lord Savior. It's the same thing here. So the scripture, that again, was kind of our life scripture. You make that decision.

I'm going to trust in you with all of my heart. And I'm not going to lean on my own understanding, but in all of my ways. And this is in the keys, not God's ways, your ways and all of your ways. If you acknowledge him, then he will guide and direct your steps. We begin to pray about anything, about everything.

Anything that concerned our family or home. We began to bring to God together. Yes, we did our homework. Subject of raising boys. I read books and I.

We had cassette tapes in those times. And I wore those babies out buying houses. We did our homework. Dealing with difficult relationships, going on vacation. We did our homework.

After we did our homework, we would ask God, lord, what does this look like in the Roberts family? What's best for us? We began to make better decisions more often. We were not always on target, but this discipline of praying together regularly put us in a position to make better decisions more often. It's a game changer.

It really is. One more key that I will mention to you is that we tended to wait until we both felt that it was the direction to go from God. We found that this process of praying together helped us get on the same page. Hopefully it was God's page. And then lastly, so what does it look like in our household to pray together?

Janet and I will usually try to set up a time. Put it on your schedule. You're a busy Time. Oftentimes we have one or two worship songs. We then try to pray for somebody else.

Before we pray for our own needs, we try to limit our request to two or three. We'll divide the request between the two of us, whatever the subject. And this is another key, whatever the subject, we try to find a scripture that talks about that because you want to pray the Word. We try to do that because God wrote those words. And when you pray his Word, he is accountable.

He watches over to perform his Word. And I respectfully do that. Oftentimes I said, lord, you wrote this. Okay, we're going to pray this, but you wrote this. We're going to try to do our part, but you have to watch over to perform your Word.

You need wisdom. James 1:5. If you anyone lacks wisdom, if there's sickness, 1st Peter 2:24. By the stripes of Jesus, I am healed. Find a scripture that deals with what you want to go to him for.

But your prayer time together doesn't have to look like that. It could be like, God, we don't know what to do. Will you help us? Help us, our family, God, we just, we don't know what to do. The important thing is you do it together.

One other absolute one. One other note, especially for you men, gentlemen, as you pray together with your wife, there is an intimacy in the prayer room that will lead to a greater intimacy in the bedroom. Lastly, take some time to listen to. Prayer is a two way conversation. Take time to listen after you get done, Mrs. Roberts.

No, actually the conference, the subject, or the. What's it called, the theme of this conference is rooted. And we're going to close with this story about some roots. The roots, our soil around our house, our yard. It is inhospitable to any type of vegetation.

I refer to it as Three Mile Island. Some of you older folks will understand what that reference means. Me, I have spent thousands of hundreds of dollars bringing home plants only to have them die, right? But I did find a few evergreens that were able to do well in our yard. And one of them is Blue Point junipers.

So I planted on one side of my house some Blue Point junipers and they did well, so I bought a bunch more and I decided I was going to plant them on the other side of the house and just create a yummy green kind of border there. It was extremely difficult to plant these trees with six or seven of them because that soil is so hard and rocky and I couldn't dig a hole with the shovel. But Michael was so kind to Help me. He bought me a pickaxe and I was able to use that. I wielded that baby.

I want to tell you right now, I'm strong. And I got good teeth too. Anyways.

Anyways, I got them all planted and after about a month, I noticed that the leaves on one of them was starting to turn brown. And in my ignorance, I thought it was because it was. It didn't have enough water, right? That's. That's why those leaves are turning brown.

And so I began to water it more and it became browner. So I dug the tree up and I found out that the soil was very wet and that the roots had a very unpleasant smell because they had begun to rot. So apparently that side of our yard is not only inhaled, inhospitable, has very poor drainage. And did you know that the roots of a plant actually need to breathe oxygen? They need oxygen.

And in healthy soil, there are pockets of oxygen that the roots absorb oxygen from. And inconsistently wet soil water fills those pockets of oxygen that should be oxygen. And the roots begin to suffocate, they begin to rot, and then the plant begins to die. I tried to save that tree, but I couldn't just dug it up. Then, much to my horror, about a week later, the tree next to it start exhibiting the same septum.

Its leaves started to turn brown. I was heartsick. I mean, I was heartsick, but I determined I was not going to let that tree die and I was not going to let the rest of those trees die. So, I mean, I literally cried out to God and I googled and that led me to buy a case of hydrogen peroxide because I read that hydrogen peroxide, because it has an extra molecule of oxygen, increases aeration in the soil and kills pathogens. So I got me a big old stake and a hammer and I went around the roots of every one of those Blue Point junipers and I pounded holes down around the roots and I got that hydrogen peroxide and I poured bottles of it down every one of those holes around every one of those trees.

I'm not recommending that you do that because I'm not sure how much of that was science and how much of that was prayer. But I will tell you, that action reversed the browning of the tree. And today every one of those trees are growing and thriving. You guys walk by the house today, look at the Blue Point junipers on the left side of our yard. So I tell you that story because in a this size, there could be some in of you in here.

You. You you know, you're not only is your marriage not rooted, it's on its way to being rooted. What you feel towards your spouse is actually starting to die. You may even feel a bit suffocated. Your leaves may not be turning brown yet, but it's just.

Just a matter of time. And watering it more, that is doing more of the same thing that caused the problem. It's not going to help it. And the Lord wants to help you. You know, in the book of ezekiel, in chapter 37, there's a wonderful account of the Lord picking up Ezekiel and taking him to a valley where there are dry and dismembered bones.

And he says to Ezekiel, he asks Ezekiel, can these bones live? Ezekiel tells him, only you know. And so the Lord tells him, prophesy to these bones. And he did. And the Lord breathed life into those bones, and they became an army.

Today, we live in a culture today whose goal seems to be to dry up and dismember marriages. And you may be asking yourself, can my marriage live? And we are here to tell you that not only can your marriage be brought back to life, it can rise up and join an army of marriages who are raising a standard of godliness that will preserve our society. The Holy Spirit wants to do something for you tonight. He wants to be the hydrogen peroxide to your relationship.

He wants. Wants to breathe his breath into your marriage. He wants to breathe a cleansing breath into all of our marriages. And all you have to do is and be determined that we will not let our marriages die.

Do me a favor. Join each other in hands. Join your hands for a moment. For a moment. Close your eyes, please.

Join your hands to each other. Spouses, close your eyes, please.

In the beginning, God created everything. The heavens, the earth, the sun, the moon, vegetation, animals. And he said they were good. Then God said, let us make man in our image. In the image, image of God.

He created them, male and feeble. And then God blessed them. Sometimes it certainly doesn't feel like you're blessed because of the curse that came upon the world and humanity as a result of the fall walking in the blessings of God that He spoke over marriage, it's not automatic outcome, but due to the finished work of Jesus on the cross and the law of the Spirit of life, our marriages can operate in and enjoy the benefits of that original blessing that he shared. He spoke thousands of years ago. So as we shared tonight, when we are rooted in his word and to another by the Spirit through the prayer, through prayer, becoming one flesh, our marriages can more Mirror what God has intended them to look like and when he pronounced his blessing.

Keep your eyes closed. Please keep your hands joined.

Holy Spirit, we thank you for doing what only you can do tonight. Thank you that you you will honor these couples, their efforts in getting here tonight.

And I pray, Holy Spirit, that you will help them walk in the scriptural commands that you gave us and that we shared from your word. Tonight, Husbands, lay your lives down for your wives.

Initiate love towards her. What does that look like? Love your wife right where she's at, because that's where Jesus loved you. Don't keep score.

Precious wives. Honor and respect your husbands. Show them God. Show me the God opportunities where and when I can honor him and when I can show him respect.

Holy Spirit, help all of us walk in these practices every day.

Lastly, help us purpose in our hearts to become one flesh. We can accomplish this by making and praying together a priority. The Word and the Spirit will help us get in the position to receive that blessing that God spoke over marriages many years ago.

Obeying what the word of God says and praying together, it's those two processes. Walking in them can be very difficult because of life. But they are the absolute key to put you in position to receive that blessing. To walk in that blessing that God spoke thousands of years ago when he created man and wife.

Okay, open up your eyes. We're going to do one more thing. And before we release you, I'd like you all to please stand up.

We are going to renew our marriage. Praise the Lord. So I'd like you to please grab each other's hands and look each other in the eye.

This night has been ordained by God. You are here not by purpose, not by accident, but you are here on purpose. So, husbands, repeat after me. I take you as my lifetime partner in marriage to live together under the direct leadership of God and His Word. To love and honor you.

I will have eyes and a mind dedicated to the purity of having you only to love.

Turning away from all other women, keeping you only as my mate.

To pray with and serve God with for as long as we both shall live.

Wives, repeat after me. I join you as my lifetime partner in marriage to live together under the direct leadership of God and His Word. I will love and honor you.

I will also have eyes and and a mind dedicated to the purity of having only you to love.

Turning away from all other men, keeping you only as my mate to pray with and serve God with as long as we both shall live.

Husbands, you may now kiss your bride.

Feel free to have it be a long one? That's okay.

Pastor Andrew, Can you give it up? Michael and Janet Roberts tonight.

Thank you guys so much for being here tonight.

Oh, Next steps, child care will be closing soon, but please feel free to just stay and chat with one another. There is merch available outside in the concourse. Don't forget to get that. If you had the opportunity to have your picture taken via a Polaroid, your pictures will be outside in the concourse to grab at the end of the night. I will say this.

We have a table in the back for agape counselor, if you want to start a conversation and get rid of the stigma, everybody's perfect except for us. That is just not true. It just is not true. I want to encourage you, take the step, start a conversation. If you know you need that, then go do that.

So, God, I thank you for this night. I thank you for this time together. I thank you, Lord, for the wisdom and the teaching that Michael and Jada brought. Lord, we bless them and their yes, Lord, I thank you, Father, for just being here tonight with us. I ask God, that as we go home and continue just to walk out this journey called life, Father, that you would meet us every step of the way.

I thank you, Lord, for every single family represented here, every marriage, every couple. I ask God that they would grow deeper roots in you, Jesus. I thank you, Father, for this time. Bless the rest of this time together in Jesus name.