Selah Ep. 18: Becoming Who You Needed as a Kid

Hello, welcome to Selah Podcast. I'm Jacob and I'm joined today by Amy and Isis. And over the course of these 21 days, we've been interviewing different people about the dreams that the Lord's put in their heart and the way that those dreams have unfolded. So, Isis, we are here with you today, and we are so excited that you are here. Tell us some more about you, how you got connected to the refuge, and then about your dream.

Yes. So, hey, everyone, y' all know who I am? I'm Isis. Just a little bit about myself. I'm a child of God and I am a sister, I'm a daughter.

I am a creative. I am a mental health counselor, and I love doing work for the kingdom. How we met. Shout out to people that come find you, Diamond. One of my close friends that is comes here to the refuge.

She was pulling me to come to the refuge, Greensboro. She said, come on, Isis. It would be the best thing. And I was like, okay, okay. So I said, hm, let me watch a little video.

And I saw Pastor Amy. And yeah, I was there next Sunday, and we got to just connect. It was amazing. One thing about Pastor Amy is she's so welcoming. So she immediately had a meeting about me, wanted to know my story a little bit about about myself, and the rest was history.

That's awesome. Yes. Yes. When I came to visit, I couldn't go unnoticed. So I can appreciate you definitely noticed.

Yes. So obviously we've been talking to different people about dreams and kind of what it's look like for that dream to unfold. Yes. So take me back to kind of what we were talking about earlier, about having a dream early on about where you might live. Yes.

Okay. The good days. So it was probably around elementary school, I had this fixation of moving to North Carolina. Mind you, I'd never been to North Carolina. I have one aunt that lives there, and she wasn't currently living there.

And everyone was like, isis, we're from Connecticut. What are you talking about? But I just knew I was gonna move to North Carolina. So, yeah, that was kind of like the first little point of when that happened. Likewise.

As I lived in Illinois, I had a cousin, some cousins who lived here. So my whole life I was like, oh, we'll probably move to North Carolina. Wow. And it wasn't really rooted in anything. But then actually my whole family, like, extended family has move here.

So. Wow, look at that. God's funny like that. Yes, he is. So you had a dream of moving here that was just kind of this Hypothetical thing.

Yep. And then you started along the path as you got older of kind of figuring out what it is you wanted to do with your life. So kind of pick us up there. Yeah. So my passions, kind of just a little bit background about myself, grew up in a single parent household.

And because due to my father being incarcerated for 10 years. So during that time I found this passion of advocating Right. For children with incarcerated parents. I felt like sometimes I was overlooked and I wanted to be a light shined on there. So I did a lot of advocation, like growing up in college and high school, and I recognized I wanted to be a lawyer, but I was like, that's too many years.

So I did want to help people. So I decided that I wanted to go to the LCSW route, which is a licensed clinical social worker. And with that, basically, I am a clinical therapist. And I was like, wow, I can do both. I can work in the jail system and also do clinical social work.

So that was kind of like starting my driving passion of that. Yeah. At that point, would you say you already felt, like, connected to God in a relationship and so was that dream connected there or so? Very much so. Like, God works in mysterious ways, as we know.

Right. So when that happened, I had a relationship with God. But you know, when you hear people, they're like, I have a dream and have a vision for me, I'm just like, no, this is just something that's in my head all the time. Right. That I'm going to move to North Carolina via lcsw.

But I definitely know now that that was God speaking to me. Right. Like he was placing something in my heart. And, you know, that. That pull and that tug, that's something that I felt of just coming to North Carolina and doing his will.

Yeah. I think it's so beautiful that he started dealing with you about it at an early age. I think sometimes we discount the ability that God has to speak to us when we're like, in elementary school and start putting things in. Because, you know, we have children, we understand this. And our kids are the same age.

Right. You're both four. Our oldest ones are both four. And so sometimes they have this imagination, and I never want to downplay it, like, oh, they're just being a kid, but asking God, like, okay, yeah, let me help steward this. Because what if it is something that God is dealing with them and I just kind of brush it off like it's something else.

But I love that about your dream, that it came at such an early age. And even though you couldn't identify it quite yet that maybe it was God or Holy Spirit talking to you about it. He was talking and dealing with that. And so for parents listening, I wanna encourage you guys not to discount our youth, like our refuge youth, the kids that you may have, that God is using them and downloading things in their spirits even at a young age. And as parents having the Holy Spirit and even during this fast, as we're praying over our families and different things like that, God show us what this is and help us to be good stewards of that, you know?

Definitely. It's beautiful. Yeah. And I think we can kind of romanticize childlike faith. Yes.

And be like, I want to have that. But then we downplay when our kids have trouble faith. Yeah. Because ultimately we can't always relate to having it because we're kind of like, we grow up. Yeah, we grow up.

Oh, oh. And then we doubt those dreams, or we think that we made up the dream or whatever, we ate something or it's too far gone. And then we lose it. We lose that. I don't know.

I think it's interesting that a lot of kids will say similar dream jobs. I think the doctors often listen. I don't know if that's. Cause parents are like, hey, you could make a lot of money, a lot of money. But, you know, there's a lot of schooling there.

There's a lot of effort to become anything in that field. And so it's. I don't think it's unrealistic to say that, like, a lot of people could become a doctor, yet the childlike dream of that disappears pretty quickly when you get in, like, biology and you start thinking about mitochondria and you're like. And the reality of it. Right.

So it's kind of like societal. Like you said, fear comes in. Right. But when you're a child, you don't have that. Right.

They don't understand that. They don't get that. And I think that's what my definition was, was a childlike faith. Like, everyone was saying, what? Why are you talking about this?

And I was like, no, I know in my heart this is what I'm supposed to do. And it kind of led me to my passions and the journey that God was taking me on. What do you think it is about? Like, you were describing what it was like in your childhood. And so you saw a gap.

Yes. And then you're drawn to, like, want to fill that gap. Why do you think God puts this, like, desire in us to fix the Very thing that we dealt with. Because you would almost think we'd want to run away from it. Run away from it and not be a part of that.

But often you find people be like, well, I grew up this way, so this is. I want to kind of be an answer. I really think I always go by this is that my test is my testimony. Right. So being able to speak to the masses, whatever that looks like, not masses of a big platform, but it could be just someone that is going through it, through a silent battle and just me being honest.

Honest to where I'm going through. So I feel like nowadays I thank God because if I didn't go through that. Right. Who would be the voice for that population? Right.

We talk about that of the orphan spirit. That's oftentimes look over and no one really pays attention to them. But I was placed in there for a reason, to be a light in that place to see how God was able to encounter me and be a father. Right. And be able to steward me well even when my, you know, world father wasn't present.

You know, so it was just really beautiful to be able to just see how God moved even as a child. Right. So now I can speak boldly about my truth. Right. And not be ashamed and hopefully inspire other children that it's okay, you know, what they're dealing with and there's people that are there to help.

Yeah. So tell us a little bit about how that shifted from just a thought or a dream to. You were actually starting to take action steps upon that. Yes. Making it a reality.

So just a little something cool too. Was like 2018, when my college students, we were all just, you know, just, you know, what you do in college doors, you're just talking and getting to know each other. So we decided to do interviews about ourselves. And I made a video in 2018 saying exactly what I was gonna do. And it's just beautiful to have it to this day.

So I would say write down your dreams and your goals and your aspirations, because you can really go back and recount of how God moved. Right. We sometimes forget about the prayers that we have, you know, sewn into and we have. We forget that, like God remembers everything. He wants us to hear it all.

So that's something that happens. So in college, that's basically I kept moving forward, graduated, and then I started to do my application process for grad school. Right. So all my friends, they're all doing in Connecticut. And I'm like, yeah, guys, I told you it's NC or nothing.

Right. So I ended up applying for ECU and also A&T go Aggie, Pride and UNCG. I call myself a spaggy. People get mad at me, but that's what I am. You don't.

That's what I said. Don't get mad at me in the comments. That's a gross. That's aggressive. But it was a joint program for that and it was actually an accelerated program, right?

So I applied. I, I had faith, right? I said, you know what? I'm going to get in either way or I'm just not going to school right now. And I got accepted to both, actually.

But I decided to do the one year program and it was amazing. During that time, I moved to North Carolina, but during that time, just to say it was during COVID right? So I didn't know how I was going to pay for anything. I just got out of college. I didn't get to have a job in between.

We were at home chilling. But I got to sit in God's presence, right, and really ask him, you know, please lead the way. And I was granted a $20,000 scholarship, right? And if you know about grad school, scholarships really aren't a thing. It's a loan or nothing.

But it's once again that faith and trusting in God. And then once I continued, I had to do my hours. Of course, my hours had to do with reentry, which is basically justice serve individuals. So individuals that were in the jail system when they're being released, they are basically need guidance and like, just different resources. So I was able to help them.

So once again aligning with what God was already calling on my heart. And then after that, I graduated and I was like, oh, snap, I need to get a job. I need an apartment because I am not from here. I have no family here. But once again, I trusted God.

And during that time, I went to the manager for the apartment and I said, you know, hey, look, this is my what I'm going through. She said, we're going to make something work. I see something in you, right? And I ended up landing a job at where I was volunteering at, and the rest was history. During that time, I fell deep in love with ministry work.

I call it ministry work where I was working at. And God pulled me into the house of the Lord. So that's basically part of my story in a nutshell. Yeah, I appreciate that you reverence it as ministry work because like scripture is pretty clear that we're supposed to be equipped in his house to go do the work of the ministry. And then often it can kind of get confused.

Cause you could be like, all right, well, Pastor Amy and I work for a church, so we do ministry. And yes, I think that's true. But also our job is to equip people to do ministry, which is not necessarily within the building. Right. I think we can have a narrow view of that.

Yeah, definitely. And it's so crazy because I forgot to say, a part of my video that I made is I. The last part was I was going to open my own business and I was going to help people that were in need. But like you said before, my business became ministry. Right.

So now at the refuge, I have the honor and privilege to be able to do creative work and be basically the spread the gospel digitally. That's what I call it. Be, you know, let God use me as a lens. I also work with the youth, the teens pray for me. No, I'm just kidding.

I love them with everything in me. Right? Yes, you do. Because I remember I was that child at one time. Right.

And, you know, sometimes with teens, you know, everyone loves the babies and the kids, but, you know, coming into that adult, that young adulthood right there is the enemy. Really tries to attack you. And I just love once again being the voice for them and letting them know that, hey, your feelings are validated. I'm here for you. Your mental health matters.

Do you need anything? Let's talk about that situation. Right. Because sometimes they feel like maybe they can't go to their parents. And I'm glad that God is using me.

Right. To be able to help them navigate life at a young age. It's such an honor. So you mentioned earlier how you felt passionate about wanting to be an advocate. Right?

Yes. So obviously we know, like, the Holy Spirit is often described as supporter or advocate. So how, when you really, like, got to know him, how was, like, your view of who the Holy Spirit is maybe different than other people's perspective? Because, like, your idea of what it means to be an advocate might be different. So that's an amazing question.

I would say I feel like, because of my lived experiences, that has motivated me of advocation. Right. Because I feel like God has shifted my lens of how I see things. Right. I see the unseen.

Right. Because I was. I lived it. So I feel like in every situation, Holy Spirit encounters you in a beautiful way. So for me, I see it as an honor and a privilege to spread the gospel and really show what God has done in my life.

Because, you know, I feel like sometimes we overlook Right. When we are Christians, like, oh, yeah, we're Christians, we do this. It's like, no. Like, this is an honor and a privilege to be a representation. So I think I use it as a way to kind of motivate me as fuel to keep going.

Because, you know, as Christians, there's days we can go through spiritual warfare and be stressed. But I think I lean on Holy Spirit a lot, right. For discernment. Right. To be able to navigate life, to be able to.

Even in my workplace, I'm an advocate for him, so I may pray over the area. You know, I work in mental health, so there's a lot of spirits and things that you're dealing with, Right. So I think God puts you in position, right, to be his kind of mouthpiece. Yeah, Pastor. I mean, when you feel like you in pastoring, when people come into the church who maybe are coming right out of a situation, like being incarcerated or being in a really bad season, and they're just kind of like, I don't know what to do.

How do you even start to help them pick up the pieces? In that regard, I think you have to have a lot of grace. I think you also have to give people time. I think here especially what we kind of ran into is people are not so eager to share these type stories. They come in looking for peace, and you can speak into this too, like, looking for refuge, looking for shelter.

And it really takes time. Time for them to, like, hear the word, to have encounters with Holy Spirit and then to create space for them. So whether that is, like, for Isis, she had diamond and they kind of navigated like, okay, let's get into young adults. Let's go here. Let's go out to eat with these people.

And then you kind of build a community around them and. And as they begin to trust, because what you find is all people, regardless of their situation, there is a lack of trust. And so you build trust. And then as they begin to trust, they begin to open up, because God can't heal what we don't confront. And so then they begin to confront, like, oh, I have this shame, or, oh, I have this insecurity, or, oh, I have this guilt, or, oh, I have this addiction, or, oh, I have this unforgiveness.

And then you pray into that, you speak into that, and you literally just watch them. Like, we have story after story over the last few years of just actually watching people. It's almost like watching a flower bloom. They come in, so closed off, so far away, so hurt, so distant and Then over the years, we have just slowly watched them blossom into something so beautiful for the Lord. And then they take their story, like what ISIS is doing, and they go out and help other people and say, hey, I know that this is what they say about you, but I've lived this.

Yes. And I'm gonna stand in the gap for you, and I wanna show you that you can be something great and you can be free and you can be all of these things that I think the world tells them they can't be. And it drives me nuts because they can be. And so to see how God has moved and so accountability and just building and creating like a family almost around them and giving them space and time. Yes.

Yeah. You may not know this. We've been involved with a ministry called Guide Behind Bars for the last year or so. Jake, who produces this podcast, has been responsible for editing videos that are then uploaded to basically what is an app in the jail system. And then the inmates have access to these iPads where they can be on the app, and then they can essentially see sermons and different content we put in it.

So it's like, glory be to God. Yeah. It's kind of like digital church type thing. But what has been interesting about it and cool from my perspective is like, for one, the numbers of the views is much higher than I expected. Yes.

Because, you know, you just have no reference. You're just kind of throwing something out there to strangers. Right. And then over time, you start to, like, quickly get letters from different people there who are basically, hey, this was encouraging to me. Or made a difference.

Isn't that amazing? And we've even had some that are like, hey, when, you know, like, I'm local to North Carolina, so when I get out, I want to, like, be a part of your church. So I think it's been a unique kind of start to a journey of, I think, really getting, hopefully getting to be more of a refuge to people, you know? Yeah. It's amazing.

And that's why advocation matters. Right. Because there are populations that need that hope. You gotta think when you are in that situation, you can kind of feel kind of small. Right.

You feel like there's no purpose, there's no nothing at the. At the end of the tunnel. But if you have something like that, like being able to see the iPad, that's just so inspiring to have a sermon to encourage you, to see. See you and to just feel validated. Right.

And I feel like that's the biggest thing. When I was working in reentry, I had so many letters, right? Hey, Isis, can you pray for me? You know, like, can you. Can you send me this Bible verse?

Can you? Because sometimes they don't even have access to certain those things. So I think it's important for advocation for them because it just makes them feel like, okay, God sees me, right? God sees me in my low moments. He sees me in my high moments, and no matter what the love is, is still there.

Yeah. So. And it's such a ripple effect, too, for the families. You know, salvation and freedom doesn't just affect the person that's free or saved. It affects generational.

Like, God's a generational God. And so when these men and these women, they're. They're seeing the word of God, they're experiencing this love. And then when they get out, they get to share that with their families, who don't expect them to maybe come out that way. And then they come home and they say, no, I saw this, I heard this, I read this.

Let me tell you about this Jesus. And it affects the whole house. And it's just. It's a beautiful ministry, and I'm so glad that the refuge is doing that and a part of that. And I love it.

And I love that you have been such a bright light for kids that have gone through that, because you're right, there is a stigma and they're not supposed to make it, and they're supposed to just be what, They're a product of what their parents did. That's a lie from the pit of hell. That's not true. And so you stand as a beacon, like, oh, no, I can go to college, I can go to grad school, I can have a business and do a ministry and thrive. Yeah.

And I love that. Thank you so much. I love it so much. I want you to talk a little bit about since you shared how you had the dream, you took action steps, you're now living in the dream. And I think this is the space that not a lot of people really, like, evaluate.

We joke and we say, hello, how's work? Living the dream. And we say that in kind of a sad way, really, but for a lot of us, you set out for this dream, and then you are living in the dream that you had. But then you can kind of like, I don't know, become complacent about it, maybe have some resentment towards it. Oh, well, you know, I have a conversation.

So obviously it's not always all perfect and rainbows, but, like, what does it look like for you to Live the dream. Like, what's the kind of woohoo moments? And what's kind of like, I didn't expect this part of the dream, Lord. Yes, yes, yes. Okay, so I'll start with how amazing Pastor Amy was.

Because I just think, pray for your pastors, right? Because there's so many times where you are the ones that are just going to them and just saying, like, pastor, I'm going through this. I need help with this. So, you know, during that time with starting ministry, right, Sometimes the enemy tries to put like, no, this is not your dream, right? You didn't fulfill this.

Like, God didn't call you to this, right? So doing the creative ministry, as you know, too, I would call you too, like, hey, I need help with this, right? But with that, it geared discipline, right? And it helped me recognize that, you know, the fruit of the spirit is long suffering. So we're gonna go through some turmoil where we have to learn different things, right?

Sometimes I'm so used to things coming to ease, right? So I'm. Oh, I'm supposed to get this by now, but no, God likes the long stride. You know, he wants you to work towards it. You know, he wants you continue to feel motivated.

Because if he gives you the dream and, you know, everything right away, it's just like. Like you said, like, okay, yeah, life is a dream. But it's like, it makes me appreciate the blessing more, right? I would say the beauty in it. Once again, with Pastor Amy, we just had our Night watch prayer, and something that really stuck with me is stay low, right?

So the influence that God is trusting you with, right? The platforms that he's putting you in, remember, he's the root of that. Because I feel like sometimes we get so excited and it's good to have excitement, right? But we can't forget the purpose, right? The purpose is to exalt his name, not mine.

Right? His name. So I feel like that's kind of where I'm at now, a level of submission, you know, making these videos. I feel like with the fast, too. Like, I don't know, you know, we're on a food fast, so I feel like it's really God talking to me.

So I just made a video, and Pastor Amy just. It was. It felt so good to hear her. You know, she always just says, you know her, honey, you're doing amazing, and all this stuff. North Carolina, Southern tartness, you love so much.

That's what you moved to. I'll never go back up North. But all the time, she always encourages Me. But today, you know, and just my friend's diamond just checking in, it just warmed my heart, right? Because that wasn't me.

That was God using me as the creative lens. So I always just stay low and ask God, just give me what you need me to do, not what I want to do. Humble me when I need to and just help me keep my eyes on you. That's all I want. So that's the dream for me, living for him.

Yeah. It's beautiful. So kind of to round this out, obviously, we're releasing these episodes to be an encouragement to people fasting. We talked about that earlier, about the, like. Okay, and what.

What now? So what would be your encouragement to someone who kind of is wrestling with this, like, vague picture of, like, I just feel like I'm supposed to be there, you know, and it could be a place, a job, whatever. But, like, usually that is the dream first. It's like this really vague. You think you're supposed to be over there, and everyone's like, no, you're not.

Like, how do you encourage that person? I would say during this fast, practice that faith in God. Really practice it. I feel like with me, hold on to the dream, right? Don't just say, oh, yeah, like, maybe I'm feeling this.

Maybe I'm saying that, like, no, believe that God has a purpose for you. Right? And I feel like with that, that is gonna help you keep propelling. Cause oftentimes the enemy tries to mute our. Just our spirit and what God is calling us to.

So rebuke the mute spirit. Right? Ask God to just, you know, make revelation during this fast, right? And just also be aware that it's God's timing, not ours. Right.

I always say that, like, we didn't create time. God did. He's in the time, right? So what he wants and how he wants it in that order, it may not be next month. It may be in 10 years.

Right? But if he. If he's calling you to do something and you feel it in your heart, you have to have that childlike faith and let that come alive. So I would really just say exercise that faith and use this time to really sit in God's presence and ask, what do you need me to do in this season? Yeah, yeah.

We can't comprehend it, but somehow he's at the beginning of the dream and the end of the dream at the same time, in the middle, creating the details. Is it the details? Yeah. Yeah. So very full circle.

Amen. Any last thoughts before we close? No, I'm just so grateful that you are here. Thank you for your. Yes.

Thank you for your sacrifice. Thank you for not letting go of the dreams. Amen. So love you. Excited?

Yep. Thank you so much for being here. To our listeners, thank you for tuning in and we hope you join us for our next episode. Happy Selah.